


Social Gatherings Give Me Panic Attacks

by Night_Ray



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Armin Artlert POV, Eventual EreRi, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Everyone's A High School student, F/F, F/M, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Swears, Levi has a social anxiety, M/M, Multi, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Slow Build, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-07 10:31:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4259970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Night_Ray/pseuds/Night_Ray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi's uncomfortable in any type of social atmosphere and avoids any type of situation that might tip him over the edge. However when one of this only three friends (and it's not his cat) annoys him to no end Levi reluctantly gives in to Isabel's annoying nature and agrees to go camping with her. What's the worst that could happen? The three of them spend nights together on a regular basis... except it's not just the three of them this time...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One - Anxious Introductions

I avoid people on a regular basis. I literally go out of my way just to dodge any kind of human social interaction. Honestly, I only have three close friends and one is my own cat that I don’t have the heart to ignore. Isabel and Farlan are the only people I connect with on any kind of level and I still don’t go see them as much as a friend should, if they don’t come here there’s no way I'm going to them and they have learned to tolerate this. Aside from that I don’t put myself in situations that will only give me anxiety attacks. For fuck sakes I don’t even leave the house unless I have to check the mail and that’s enough to bring me to tears. Not that anyone knows this about me though, especially not Isabel and Farlan, which might be part of the reason as to why I'm in this predicament right now.

It’s hot. All of the windows are cracked and it’s still not enough. My arms are pressed against the hot sweaty bodies of two strangers that I have never laid eyes on nor wanted to at any point. I vaguely remember the conversation that lead to this dreary point in my life, Isabel’s wide forest green eyes sent daggers through my heart and when I told her no before she could even speak only pushed her to persist her tedious begging closer to my limits. Not only was I not listening to the previous conversation that lead to her dog like behaviour,(I was more interested in dangling a string in front of my cat, Titan), I was also not fully aware of what she was asking when she turned to me with those saucer like puppy eyes. There was no way I was going to ask to see what it was exactly but I probably should have before I agreed after two hours of her endless pleads that droned on and on until my reluctant groan got her to shut it. In return I got a week Isabel free which was nice, had I questioned what we were doing I might not have found it worth this.

Now, one week later, here I sit, packed like a sardine between a much too tall to be sitting in the back seat of a minivan male and a girl with thick square glasses, brown hair pulled into a ponytail and rancid shitty breath in the sweltering heat. There is country music blasted throughout the speakers of the confined vehicle that Isabel controls from the passenger seat next to Farlan. In front of us there are two single seater's, a sweet faced, gorgeous red headed girl sits on the right and a clumsy tongue biter on the left. I’m not kidding I have seen him bite his tongue close to a twenty times since we have been driving and it’s only been three hours. The worst part is this is only one third of the people coming on this stupid road/camping trip. There are still two other minivans filled with more teenagers. My anxiety continues to climb the longer we’re packed in here together. I can’t imagine being stuck in tents; especially if I'm stuck with shitty four eyes here. 

This is my personal hell. It was too late to back out when the three cars pulled up just outside of my shitty little house. As soon as I seen them my heart began to race, tears welled up in my eyes and breathing became impossible as I gasped and spluttered for air. For five minutes I sat in my bathroom with my head between my legs hugging them close to my chest. Tears dripped from my face onto my jeans. Isabel came to check on me and I quickly dismissed her telling her I was taking a shit and I gained my composure as best I could… Mind you as soon as I found out that I would be sitting in the middle of the very back seat with the giant and four eyes, I nearly ripped Isabel out of the front to swap with her. If shitty four eyes didn't drag me just in the knick of time beside her I would be riding up front with air conditioning blowing in my face right now. 

“Levi, I haven’t seen you at school,” the blonde male starts making idle conversation glancing down at me.

He has big blue eyes, bushy darker blonde eyebrows, a square jaw and an older face to him. He’s obviously a senior if he’s in the same school as Isabel and Farlan. Not that he looks like much of a teenager I assume that he has to be one considering he’s friends with Farlan and Isabel. He’s definitely built as well, a strong frame and massive muscles that are barely contained by his polo. If he were to fight a bear he might win. I wouldn't stake my life on that assumption quite yet but I’ll keep that in the back of my mind if I get to choose who I want to share a tent with. 

I lean forward with my elbows on my knees and rest my chin in my sweaty palms, as if I made it easier for them to move, the two of them start to shift their positions with no regard for me like I'm going to stay like this… luckily for them I don’t have the nerve to move them or sit up now, “I take online classes through your school.”

At least when I speak my voice doesn't shake but I can feel a heat course over my spine and up to the nape of my neck. I don’t want to make an idiot of myself. I’ll just keep my responses short and low, I'm not trying to make friends here so it’s difficult to say that I would care if they liked me or not however if I do or say something ridiculous or idiotic I know that I’ll end up thinking about it for my entire life just before bed. I still think of things I used to say in kindergarten that I’d like to go back in time to kick my ass for. 

Four eyes throws a hot arm around my shoulders and leans in close, “I was thinking of doing that but they don’t let you cut open frogs or any of the good stuff. You’re missing out.”

Isabel turns the music down and tilts her head back to join in on the conversation, “Levi is actually in the same grade as you guys. He does his test and stuff with your home room teacher after school hours. That’s how Farlan and I came to be good friends with him.”

The blonde hums in approval, “He’s a great teacher, Mr. Pixis is one of my favourites. It could be because he’s a crazy old man though and marks easy.”

“Must be why Levi chose him huh Far?” Isabel snickers as if she’s just come up with something funny and I can’t resist the urge to roll my eyes at her tasteless humour. 

Farlan gives a short shrug and looks over to the side where one of the minivans that was behind us is now on our left side. The passenger window sails down into the door and young, feminine looking blonde boy with a map on his lap and lips drawn in a thin line tilts his jaw up to speak to Farlan over the whipping wind. The driver in their car seems like a cocky person, arrogant might even be a better word with his huge grin exposing most of his teeth. Though with his long horse like face I don’t really see why he’s so confident. Not to say that he isn't relatively good looking, I've just seen better who could be more egotistical than someone like him. Well… who am I to judge? I calmly listen to their conversation between the redhead and the tongue biter who have now gone silent to listen in. 

“What’s up?” Farlan leans out with his hand outside of the window casually popping his head out to listen to them better.

The blonde speaks hesitantly gaining more confidence as he pokes his head out as well, “Jean’s been blasting the air conditioner this entire time-”

“Even on the highway,” A quiet, though clearly annoyed woman's voice sounds from the back of the vehicle loud enough for all of us, or at least myself to hear. 

Their driver snorts, “If numb nuts Eren didn't complain that the windows being open wasn't nearly enough to keep the car from overheating we wouldn't have this problem. Look long story short, Farlan we have to pull over, there’s a gas station about two miles ahead. We should stop, fill up, grab something to eat and head out again.”

Farlan’s eyes wander down for a moment and he heaves a breath out, “Yeah alright, you take the lead.”

Just before the blonde can finish rolling up his window the minivan shoots in front of ours and I notice that there is a trailer attached to the back of it. One of those wind up trailers. It seems pretty big. That’s much better than sleeping in a dirty tent that I had originally spent hours preparing for a couple of nights ago, half of the contents in my bag are cleaning products. However, I still think that there will be some people sleeping in tents if there is only one of those little trailers and they are still filthy so it will be disinfected before the night is through I’ll spend all night before anyone can enter if I have to. 

If I think about it too much, I know that I don’t much want to share anything with anyone here a bed being at the top of that list. I don’t know any of these people and I’ll already need to sanitize my arm when we get out of this godforsaken hell hole I can’t even begin to imagine if I have one of them in the same space as myself much less a bed on a cold summer night. I'm not sure about their washing habits and from the smell of things, the woman on my right has none and her arm has already made itself comfortable on me. I'm deeply considering burning this shirt in the fire that was the first topic everyone raved about; I’ll pretend to trip and drop it into scorching inferno never to touch my skin again. 

When the van comes to a complete stop and the engine is cut, the redhead, tongue biter, Farlan and Isabel all pile out of the vehicle stretching as they disperse around the gas pumps. Since I'm in the middle of a brick wall and a pile of manure I'm forced to go first, I slap a wet palm against the spongy headrest of the right seat and lurch forward. The blonde and four eyes follow behind me giggling over something with each other. I don’t pay much mind to them as I drink in the fresh air immediately walking away from everyone as fast as I possibly can. Even here I try to avoid everyone, it’s working, I find a spot just off to the side of fast food shop directly beside the disgusting gas station. 

My throat is dry and I instantly regret not bringing water or anything with me in my panic to get out of the door. If I had packed my bags properly last night instead of showering for an hour like I was never going to shower again I wouldn't have this problem. It’s not like we aren't at a gas station or anything of the sort but if it was as simple as grabbing a bottle of water and putting my cash on the counter I would be doing that. Though that is as black and white as it gets. I just don’t have the guts to do that. Instead I try get as much saliva as I can to slick the desert in my throat. 

“Free at last! Ugh I don’t know how long I can sit in a car with horse face Jean anymore. It’s giving me headaches,” A tall, emerald green eyed, brunette (might I add gorgeous into the mix?) drops out of the minivan we were just following behind rubbing the bridge of his nose in pain.

“Yeah because I was the problem, this kid just whines and asks if we’re there yet. How many times can one person listen to that?! I hate it!” The horse faced male complains from the side of his hood leaning forward with his back flat and face pointed to the ground in obvious exhaustion. 

I hadn't noticed Isabel go into the gas station convenience store but she comes out handing waters to everyone she passed, myself included, a painful sigh of relief forces itself out of the sticky walls of my throat and chug the liquid back without pausing, I continue to listen to the others from a safe distance. The last minivan comes pulling into the gas station, circling around the pumps so that they can fit on the other side of the gorgeous kids van, they also have a trailer and little did I know that we have one as well have attached to the back of our transportation, I don’t know how I missed that when I walked out of my house. Their group of people plummet to the ground panting viciously crawling around on the ground to escape.

“Connie farted and rolled all the windows up!” The blonde girl on her knees sputters out breathlessly dragging her frail body away from the open door.

I almost laugh but I choke it back with another gulp of water.

“It wasn't that bad you’re exaggerating,” a small tanned, bald headed kid shouts out as he climbs out of the driver's seat and inserts his card into the prepay slot grabbing the nozzle. “You’re being a baby Krista, Sasha was fine.”

A bright eyes brunette girl punches in numbers on the machine the boy put his card in and yanks it out, when she goes to return the card to his pocket she places a sweet kiss on his cheek, “You’re lucky-”

A taller, lanky girl with freckles on her faces kneels down beside the much more delicate blonde girl and cuts off the brunette, “It was almost a million degrees in there already and you rolled the windows up and locked them! You’re the one acting like a child! I'm going to enjoy throwing you in the fire pit tonight.”

The kid sticks out his tongue, “Like you could!”

Farlan chuckles, “We only have another hour to go guys can we not kill each other in the process?”

Isabel chirps in, “Would it be easier to switch up the groups?”

My heart drops and my stomach tightens. It’s a good thing that I'm not around anyone, my breathing starts to hike up without warning and I try to hide the raspy gasps as best I can by slamming back my water taking a perpetual swig looking up to the sky as I turn my body away from being seen by any straying eyes. It was bad enough being in the same vehicle and having Farlan and Isabel just a few steps away and now… if I'm put into a different minivan with any of these strangers I don’t know how I'm going to handle it. The very thought of it makes me want to throw up. There’s nothing more terrifying that I could think of right now. Tears threaten at my eyes and I quickly flick my head to the side to demolish any possibility of that happening, two slow deep breaths later I shove down and emotions that I have as deeply into myself as I can. I don’t want to be caught here, if I could hide this from Isabel and Farlan for over five years I can keep it under control for one weekend . Swallowing hard I shuffle around to face everyone else who has now focused their eyes on me…

I bite my lower lip and murmur in a low voice, “What? Something on my face?” 

They all seem to enjoy this, smiles line their faces and a few of them chuckle in amusement until Isabel stomps up to me and hooks her arm around my waist dragging me into the group that has now formed a circle around a manhole, “We are going to go through introductions now and split off into new groups. You don’t listen very much do you Levi?”

Great, introductions, this is going to be embarrassing. Luckily for me the first one to take the plunge is Isabel, the worst part about Isabel being first is that I will be last. 

-

After five minutes of going over each others names, (which I avoided since Isabel has been gushing about me behind my back), Farlan divided the twenty of us into new vehicles. Car one which was Farlan’s car, will now hold Gunther, a tanned quiet male who I could see myself getting along with, Petra, who I have learned is the pretty redhead, Oluo, the tongue biter, Eld, also a quiet male who I wouldn't mind sitting with, the four eyes Hange and the blonde male Erwin. All of them seem to keep to themselves, well maybe not shitty four eyes, I would have preferred to join them. Farlan on the other hand had different plans… instead he put me in the third car with a bunch of younger teens, probably in their freshmen year in high school or something. I could almost guarantee that they are Isabel’s friends, she probably came across this group in some of her classes. 

I learned their names as soon as they were spoken and small details about each of them and committed it all to memory for the past three minutes we have been standing around waiting for everyone to finish the food that Farlan brought in large brown bags from the store. I'm too nervous to eat, my stomach is in knots twisting and turning. I glance around searching the crowd of feasting teenagers for the people that I will be stuck with for the next sixty, gruelling minutes. My eyes rest on the black hair of the girl with a red scarf in the middle of plus thirty weather. Her name is Mikasa. I know she’s quiet, it’s something you can just see about her, the way that the crimson material covers her mouth is only one of the things that solidifies my observation. I won’t be sitting beside her or near her, I don’t wish to. I want to avoid her as much as I can, it will only be awkward and I can see making an ass out of myself just being around her without doing anything really. 

Next my eyes linger to the blonde next to her with a ponytail pulling her hair back. Annie, I believe her name is, I won’t acknowledge her first just in case I'm wrong… not that I plan to initiate a conversation with anyone in the first place. She seems just as unapproachable as Mikasa. The way that they are bent together though and standing close to one another suggests that they might be in their own little world where only they exist. I'm actually relieved to see this, at least they will be occupied with each other and sitting with together instead of forcing me to be stuck beside one of them. 

The brown haired girl stuffing her face while sitting in the open door of the minivan is named Sasha. She’s the navigator of our trip for Connie, the bald headed kid who will be driving our transportation. I won’t be sitting by either of them since they will be at the very front enjoying the air conditioner I so crave. Even if I were to be next to either of them I feel as though the two of them could keep a continuous conversation going without much rebuttal from the other party. 

One nice thing about being in the last car is that we have the least amount of people. The only remaining person that I haven’t mentioned happens to be none other than Eren, the guy who I thought was gorgeous. And I'm right, he is. He has the body of a God and his eyes… fuck they are nice to look at. He’s tanned too, his tight tee reveals the way that his abs roll when he laughs which he happens to do frequently around his friends. Despite how mouthwatering he is, he seems to be the one that I will probably be in close quarters with… I'm already a nervous wreck… I can only see things not going well… my mind conjures up the most impossible scenarios and I've already convinced myself that it is very possible for the wind to blow all of my clothes off in front of Eren by just opening my window… I want to go home, I’ll run if I have to just don’t lock me in a car with him for an hour. 

Isabel disposes of her lunch container and hops over to me excitedly, “Levi… you’re not being very social. We’re all friends here, it’s no big deal you can talk to anyone here and they would accept you immediately. All the people that I'm gonna be with are really fun! Like Jean, he’s annoying sometimes but he’s kind of funny to mess around with. Armin is like some sorta genius or something…” She trails off.

I remember the people that Isabel will be driving with as well in the second car, Jean is the driver and Armin is their navigator. Bertolt and Reiner seem really close with one another, good friends or more if you ask me, I don’t remember which is which though, not that they we very different from each other. Ymir and Krista, the blonde girl who nearly choked to death over my drivers toxic gas, will also be joining them. I don’t know if I would do good in that group, they seem close knit together, Farlan’s car is still the better option of all of them. But I won’t be in that one either. 

“I am no friend to these people Izzy. I don’t care how kind they are to you, I'm not going to play nice they don’t have to talk to me, I didn't even want to come here,” I respond coldly looking off in the other direction. 

She sighs, “I told them you were cool Levi. You’re making me out to be a liar. Can’t you just loosen up? Have fun for once?”

It’s my turn to let out a slow exhale, “I don’t know why you would tell them that bullshit. I'm not pretending to be something I'm not just because your friends aren't going to like me. They can eat shit for all I care.”

Isabel whines and grabs my forearm dragging me towards the crowd of people at the overflowing trash can. They all glance at us and I turn my eyes up to meet their locked gazes. Though I would rather be anywhere but here at the moment with no eyes on me at all, actually being swallowed in a dark pit would be nice right about now, I straighten up to give the illusion of confidence, something easier almost effortless to feign in front of predators; or so I find. Isabel releases my arm and beams at them as if this isn't one of the strangest things someone could be doing right now. Randomly out of place, no one knows how to react. 

Eren happens to splatter a big toothy grin across his face, it’s almost enough to make me less of a bundle of nerves, “Hey Levi, think we could convince Connie to let us stick our head out of the sun roof or something? It might be fun.”

A smile cracks at my lips… I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but something just exudes from this kid, like a safety net or something; I can’t put words to it. I don’t know why I'm instantaneously less uncomfortable just by his small sentence. Maybe it’s the way that he looks like a reckless, free spirit type of person, non judgemental in a way. Or because he could probably burn brighter than the sun and blind us all if he were really to try doing such a thing. Either way, with just those few words, I kind of feel inclined to gravitate towards him. 

“If you can reach that is,” And with that he killed it. 

I grit my teeth and glare at him as I storm past him brushing his arm back, “Shut up brat or I’ll toss you out of that fucking sunroof.”

Laughter bursts from around us and I climb into the single seater of the minivan on the left side just behind the drivers seat. It’s remarkable how fast I turned into my real self, the person that I am with Isabel and Farlan, in front of this cocky little shit. I'm not disturbed about it, which is strange, this could end up being an interesting time. I fix my gaze out of the window and watch the scenery as we drive out of the gas station parking lot.


	2. Anxious Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi starts to open up to Eren little by little and even accepts his challenge to a fight in front of everyone. Let's just say they get pretty close during this chapter and Levi doesn't know how to feel about it afterwards.

On the outside I'm sure that I look bored and unenthused but on the inside my heart is relentlessly assaulting my ribcage painfully. Did I really just say that? In front of all these strangers? Seriously? What are they going to think of me now? I called him a brat… Everyone witnessed me call him a brat as if I'm ten years older than him… the realization of my words is hitting me harder than it would any normal person My cheeks feel warm, before anyone can see I press my left cheek so that it looks like I was leaning against it for too long. For about ten minutes it’s been completely silent, you could probably hear a pin drop if the ground wasn't carpeted and the wind wasn't whipping through the windows at 100 mph. 

Eren finally breaks the awkward silence, “So Levi, have you always been the shortest kid in class or something?”

My head snaps back to meet his dazzling green eyes, a cocky smirk dances across his pale pink lips and he’s adjusted himself so his legs are turned to completely face me. Annie and Mikasa are seated behind us in the attached seat, Annie is resting on Mikasa's side with her arms wrapped around the other’s waist. Sasha glances back at Eren she’s a definitely amused but seems curious to see how I will react. The pressure of my previous worries melt away and my voice leaves my mouth smoothly in a low warning tone. 

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll be quiet like a good mutt and enjoy your car ride.”

Eren’s eyebrows raise as his lips turn down unimpressed, his response is dripping with slight sarcasm, “What are you going to do about it shortie?”

Clenching my jaw I turn in my seat and knock knees with him, “I could start by kicking your ass.”

Despite my vertically challenged body, I'm a self taught fighter. Well mostly self taught. When I was younger my mother used to help me, she taught me to be strong and to keep persisting even if my opponent is taller and might be stronger. She would always say that everyone has a weak spot and to stop them from spotting yours you have to work on it. I know my way around tall and short rivals. Just because Eren is pretty that won’t save me from kicking his teeth in. 

Eren’s body begins to shake, a fit of laughter taking over. Everyone else seems to have been listening since there are small laughs filling the air. I'm not joking, I don’t see what’s so funny. Though all of this attention is kind of giving me chills. A cool sweat sweeps across my lower back and I adjust myself to sit straighter tugging my legs away from Eren’s. 

Annie starts the conversation up again with an arrogant front, “The only person able to kick Eren’s ass is me and I taught him a little bit of moves so if you can beat him, I'm your next opponent.”

“If you touch Eren I’ll make sure you can’t walk for a month,” Mikasa mutters in a low purr. 

Eren puts his hands on his knees and gets even closer to my face making me flinch backwards in response, his breath tickles my lips, “Alright you’re on. If you can beat me in a fight I’ll stop commenting on your height… and I’ll even give you a shoulder ride for an hour so that you know what it’s like to be tall.”

The thrill of the challenge crumples over my anxiety and I allow a sloppy grin overthrow my dull expression, “Your funeral kid. IF by chance you end up winning, I’ll jump in the lake fully clothed.”

Eren’s quick to respond, “Make it naked.”

He grips my hand quickly to make the deal official and winks at me. My face must have taken on a pink tint, I avoid facing and mutter a 'whatever' before returning my gaze outside… Does he want to see me naked? I don’t even want to see me naked. It’s not because I don’t have a decent body, in fact it’s something I pride myself on now, it’s small but very toned and it’s all lean muscle… but when I was younger after my mother passed away I hated myself and everything about me. I didn't know how to take it out on myself and I wanted nothing more than to do just that. As a kid I was stupid, I didn't think about my actions or the consequences they would have on my body. 

I wince just thinking about it as I trail my fingers along the thin material of my shirt, I can still feel the puffed out skin that has long since scarred over. After my mother was gone, the only person who helped me through my problems, helped me deal with all of anxiety and came up with solutions as to what I could do to prevent attacks from happening out of the blue, when she died in my arms all those years ago something clicked inside of me. 

A darkness consumed every inch of my body and numbed it until I could feel nothing at all. My uncle Kenny would hit me and abuse me and sickly enough, at some point I even begged for more. Just to feel something, anything, pain was the only thing that really registered with me at that time. It didn't take long for him to feel sorry for my worthless ass and leave me on my own. That’s when I turned to knives, turned to something that I could do to myself. I didn't care. I slid the sharp blade across my rib cage, gouging deeply into my flesh, the ivory white tissue would split and blood would pour over my dirtied clothes…

I remember what made me stop. I was so close to the edge of death, just resting on the brim of it, sprawled out on my floor the blade clenched in my outstretched hand. That night I reopened old scars and created fresh ones to drain everything out, I wanted to die that night so badly. It was all that I could think about, I couldn't find my self worth and I just lost it. Without even really running through my decisions with a straight head, I dragged the knife towards my throat… I was close, I was so close to my release on life when that hand stopped me. 

In my delusional state I thought that it was my mother. Her warm eyes focused solely on me but they were filled with despair. She was crying, her angelic glow was a sad tone of grey. It was so wrong, that didn't make sense to me at the time. Wouldn't she be happy that we could be together again? I would be so relieved, we could be a family again. She could hold me in her arms again. I was young and naive to think such things, as if that is really what my mother would have wanted for me. I reached out to touch her and her picture vanished, I wasn't alone but the old man wasn't my mother. 

Dot Pixis was my saviour that night. He was my neighbour and good friend to my mother. Sometimes he would pop in to check on me but I hadn't seen him in a few weeks. I later found out that he was on vacation and as soon as he got back he went to check on me. When he seen what I did he called an ambulance and officially decided to help me get back on my feet after I recovered. In all honesty I owe him my life. He offered to let me take online classes for free, he would pay me to grade his papers and he even assisted me in getting the inheritance from my mother's death and showed me how to pay bills and what not. 

“Levi?” Someone clears their throat, I turn my head to face Erwin. 

His thick eyebrows are narrowed in concern and I immediately snap out of my reverie, “Ah sorry, I was just thinking. Are we here already?”

He chuckles low and throaty, “Yeah we have been here for about five minutes now. Eren is all pumped up about some fight… want to tell me what that’s about?”

I let out a huff of breath, “The brat kept calling me short so I'm going to kick his ass.”

What is even happening? It’s one thing to be myself in front of Isabel and Farlan and a completely other thing to really let loose in front of Eren but now even this guy? I don’t really feel comfortable around this guy… something about his authority is overwhelming. It’s as though I feel the need to respond as honestly as I can and still give off an edge. As weird as it is to me, he’s comfortable with this, the corners of his lips tug up.

“Well, he’s waiting by the lake.”

Tugging open my door, I jump out of the minivan and slam the it back into place. Everyone is outside again, they are taking in the scenery. It’s gorgeous. The trees circle around the vehicles and close us in just in front of a shimmering lake. The ground is a luscious dark green and stains of yellow, white, pink and red flowers dot around in random splotches. Dark sand and stones take over where the grass stops just before meeting the lake, I could see some of these kids making sandcastles when they realize how damn boring this is going to be. 

Eren stands just within the plushy green land towering over Armin who is crouched down drawing something in the sand. I’d be lying if I said that he isn't gorgeous. The sun hits his face in a way that is breathtaking. His soft green tee clings to his body and his beige khakis hang loosely on his slightly exposed hips causes my mouth to start watering. His chestnut brown hair looks so soft dancing with the light breeze. I have an unsettling urge to reach out and touch it as I approach him. 

“Oh hey, I thought you were going to back out and sit in the car like a little baby, are you ready to jump in the lake naked?” He puts his arms behind his head which only shows off his defined biceps. 

It should be illegal to look that good, “Get ready to eat yours words mutt.”

Mikasa comes out of nowhere to put her hand on Eren’s chest, “Don’t go too hard on him.”

Eren brushes her hand of and walks forward, “No problem. I won’t kick you or punch you or anything like that but if you can reach me feel free to do whatever you want. First one to hit the ground loses.”

My lip twitches slightly. This kid. Looking at him sends chills down my spine. He almost makes me feel like we’re the only ones here, it’s unsettling because deep down I know that people are here and they are watching us. They are watching me… they can see what I can’t see. I don’t know if I look really stupid or not and it’s intimidating but that’s just a numb feeling in the back of my mind right now. Tonight is when all of this will replay in my head and disgust me. 

Isabel runs over to us screaming, “Stop it! Stop don’t fight Eren! He’s too rough!” She throws her frail arms around my neck and drags me close to her.

“Can we let shortie decide that for himself? We already agreed! I said I wouldn't punch him or anything just get out of the way Izzy,” Eren starts to bounce around on his tip toes and toss his neck side to side to crack it.

My eyes meet Isabel’s, “Don’t treat me like a baby, brat, I'm older than you.”

Farlan drags Isabel back at the end of my sentence and I turn my attention to Eren once again. His eyes are lit up with excitement. He’s still jumping around as though we’re about to box and I quickly make my move. His hand darts out as I rush up to him, I shove it off to the right with my forearm and send a left hook into his hard abs. The air rushes from his mouth and he struggles to inhale, while he’s choking on the lack of oxygen and obviously distracted, I reach behind his left leg and I take him down to his knees. His eyes widen as I leap back to send my right leg sailing towards his face. His hand comes up just in time to protect his head from the impact and he slides across the grass a good three feet. 

Without really thinking about it, I react on instinct when someone’s hand comes into my peripheral vision, I grab the slender arm with my left hand and yank it hard towards the right side of my body. I notice the deep crimson scarf and instantly I know that it’s Mikasa attacking me. I decide against kneeing her in the gut and settle for landing my right palm into her gut and lower myself to get the leverage to throw her over my shoulder. As soon as she hits the ground Annie is throwing herself at me, I step out of the way in time and kick my foot out to trip her… She almost gets back up when Eren’s booming laughter fills the quiet air. 

Reiner dashes forward to hold onto Annie tight and Bertolt helps Mikasa to her feet. 

“That was amazing! I didn't think you could take me and here you are taking all of us on like we’re nothing!” Eren rubs the side of his face and he comes to clamp his hand down on my shoulder, “You even got Mikasa!”

“Out of luck,” Mikasa mutters getting to her feet.

“It wasn't luck, you run like a rhino. I heard you coming,” I didn't, it was probably by luck that I turned my head just slightly in time to notice her hand. 

Reiner laughs but is cut short by Annie’s elbow, “We’ll see how you do next time shortie.”

My eye twitches, “You should respect your elders, I've already taken you down once with little effort don’t make me do it again.”

Suddenly Eren ducks down behind me and puts his head between my legs. He lifts me up with little to no struggle and I'm higher than I have ever been in my life. My eyes widen in fear, I know that I look like an idiot, I clamp my legs tight to his wide just and bend my knees so that my legs are under his arms. I grip his hair tight in a the heat of the moment. There’s a weird sensation in my chest and I don’t like it. I let out short quips of air and nervous fits of laughter that I can’t control. What is he doing?

“We’re going for a walk anyone want to come?” Eren gently runs his warm hands over mine and untangles my fingers from his silky hair.

He calmly takes my much smaller hands in his to keep me balanced and begins to walk as though he’s not carrying 110 pounds on his very broad, very strong shoulders. I'm stunned into silence allowing him to do his own thing. I can’t complain, it’s not bothering me at all, I kind of like it. It’s not like I can’t see what I couldn't see before being up a little high but I can touch the trees now and that’s pretty fun, I even have to duck down a little to avoid branches hitting my face.

“We have to set up the trailers and tents! What the hell?! Eren don’t even walk away right now!” Jean blurts out angrily getting in front of us just before Eren can get to the path leading through the thick forest.

Armin’s soothing voice spills out of his lips and he puts his hand gently on Jean’s solid forearm, “They can help out when they get back. I’ll help you with the trailer and whatever else.”

Jean’s eyes soften as he glances down at Armin’s tender hand and steps out of the way, “Whatever, don’t be long we still need help.”

Eren nods once in a way that makes me slightly uncomfortable, I shift so that my crotch isn't right against his neck, “Yeah yeah horse face.”

His feet move swiftly below the two of us and I watch in fascination. It’s like he knows where we are going, he doesn't stumble over any jagged stones or deeply rooted vines that wind in front of his shoes. I grip his hands a little tighter as we begin to climb upwards on the worn down path, my abs tightening as gravity drags me backwards. Eren hops up on random stones with ease and comes to an abrupt halt at the stretch of rock and moss. Eren bends down once again and slips out from underneath me. 

I blush lightly when the weight of his hands rest on my shoulders, “Alright, we’re where I wanted to take you. Check it out.”

Eren pushes me forward into the nook of some trees. They stand tall and strong in front of narrow rocks stacked up on one another creating shade and only a small patch of light wanders through from the peak at the top of the pile. My eyes wander from the only speck of sunlight to the surrounding area. The abundance of trees are thick enough in random places to act like a wall from all sides. It’s private in it’s own way. I'm sure a lot of couples come up here to fool around, it wouldn't surprise me if Eren ends up coming up here later with a girl or something, maybe Krista? She seems like his type; cute. 

“What’s here?” I murmur and follow behind him as he leads the way towards the rocks. He grabs the very top where the opening starts and drags himself up to peer out. 

“It’s the lake from further up, it’s really cool, come I’ll help you,” Eren plops back down and offers his hand to me.

Wrinkling my nose I look around again just in case someone else followed or something weird and take his hand as I approach. Within two seconds Eren has me in his arms and he is lifting me up to inspect through the rocks. I'm very aware of the fact that I am on only one of his shoulders but I push that thought aside and lean forward against the peak. Outside of the little hole there is the tops of evergreen vegetation. The lake continues to glisten below but at a different angle. It’s gorgeous. Like something off of a vacation card. In the distance there are clouded mountains and birds fly freely over the open spaces from plant life to plant life chirping as they soar through the gentle air. I can’t even fathom the words to say. A gasp leaves my lips as I'm dropped off of Eren's tall frame and the bewilderment on face must show because his is smiling from ear to ear with a look that I can't quite understand.

I'm standing now, directly in front of him torn away from that view to be brought to the small confines of the rocks we are wedged between. His chest rises and drops with each breath and there’s barely enough space for me to breathe without touching his body in some sort of personal way. I become very self conscious and attempt to shrink in on myself but I don’t have that kind of ability. My back touches cold stone and I avert my face away from Eren’s to look at the ground. I hope that it’s dark enough here for him not to see my cheeks burning hot red. 

“Beautiful,” He breathes, just above a whisper and his hand meets my jaw. 

I freeze, going completely stiff as he tilts my jaw up. What is going on? My heart starts to thrum violently in my chest. Eren’s other hand slides into the tight opening between my waist and the crook of my elbow. When I barely let him through he nudges his way roughly around my hips and tugs me against his. His hand cups my face sweetly and he forces me to meet his wild green eyes. His mesmerising, attention demanding, large puppy dog like eyes that I just can’t look away from. He lingers just out of reach of my lips. I want to know what his feel like, I want them against mine, I've never craved something so intensely more than in this moment. The feel of his mouth against mine feverishly; the very thought commands to be executed in the back of my mind. 

An itch I need to scratch is an easier comparison. 

Eren almost seems to understand as he moves in dipping his head down lower. I prop myself up closer on the tips of my toes, my hand wraps around the thick muscles of the arm that is caressing my face the other taking place on the firm muscle of his other arm. Our breath mingles together as we reach closer and closer until we’re inches from one another. I don’t even know what’s come over me but it’s a vicious scorching thirst that demands to be quenched. 

The ghost of his lips sends pleasurable shivers down my spine… we’re so close… until… something suddenly licks my cheek and I glance to Eren’s shoulder. My eyes widen in fear and Eren follows my gaze and yelps. A rather large snake has made itself a home on Eren’s shoulder. It’s small black beady eyes stare daggers into my own, its tongue lashes out with a hissing sound. Immediately I throw myself away from Eren and fall backwards into the blinding light. 

“Levi! What do I do?!” Eren panics as he watches me scramble to my feet.

“Like I know! Throw it and we’ll run,” I shout back my voice cracks from the strain. 

Eren lets out a low breath and moves fast, he bats the snake off of his arm and grabs mine as he lurches towards the hill we have climbed up only a few minutes ago. It takes about ten minutes to reach the very bottom even though it probably took about thirty to reach the top. We’re both panting hard and leaning over with our hands on our knees. I can feel everyone else leering at us, they're probably wondering what happened. Neither of us make a move to speak until Isabel clears her throat loudly. I look up at Eren, a small smile creeping up on my lips before I burst out laughing. Eren chimes in slapping is hand down on my back and holding his stomach. 

“There was a snake! It was scary! I didn't know if it would eat my head off or something! We had to run all the way here,” Eren spits out through chuckles and deep inhales of ragged breaths.

Isabel smiles, “You are so messed up. Well you’ll be glad to know that we have set up the trailers and what not so now we get to have the real fun. We’re going to swim!” 

Hange runs up to Eren, “That’s right so it’s time to get ready, take off your shirt!” She's much too excited about this I note.

I don’t want to swim. I don’t want them to see my scars… I tilt my head and look to Isabel, “I refuse to stay in a dirty trailer.”

Farlan huffs and puts his arm around Isabel as he comes into the conversation, “Well you could stay in a tent, we have a few since there’s too many people for the amount of beds we have.”

“I’ll have to clean it,” I respond in a bored monotone.

I didn't notice before but just in front of each of the minivans there are large tents with blow up mattresses in each of them. The trailers are taller by far and there are open windows with no curtains but I still can’t see anything. I don’t know what is worse, sharing a bed with a stranger in a dirty trailer or sharing a bed with someone in a dirty tent… either way, I'm stuck here now. Five hours away from home. 

“You brought cleaning supplies?” Petra questions as she walks behind Isabel and Farlan with towels towards the minivans.

She acts as though it’s not a good thing I did this, “Cleanliness is a top priority.”

Reiner leans forward on the back of Bertolt’s shoulders, they are sitting in front of a moderately sized fire someone built up on the sand with rocks surrounding the perimeter and broken branches glowing a deep orange, “If you’re cleaning your tent you should clean the others too!”

“Naturally,” I reply and walk over to the minivan to retrieve my bag of cleaning stuff.

“Well, we’re stilling going swimming right?” Ymir yells out enthusiastically and the others cheer in agreement and there’s wild footsteps followed after just behind me so they can all get their bags for their swimsuits. 

-

I spend the next two hours scrubbing down every inch of each tent and I even clean up each trailers. In the first trailer there is three large queen beds. One is up top at the front of the trailer and another at the very back while the middle compartment where a table would be in the space between a round couch there is another bed that doesn't really belong there. There’s nothing else that really stands out, it’s just like a room with a lot of beds. The second and third trailer only have two beds each, other than that they are the same as the first. The tents are smaller than the trailers and there is only one bed in each of them.

It becomes very blatant to me that we will have to share with someone. I don’t know who will be my partner but I end up choosing the very last tent that I clean. I spend an extra ten minutes rubbing circles around the inside of the tent and the floor of the tent, not to mention the bed and anything else that comes to mind until the burn of chemicals is too much to handle. Tossing my bag into that tent I tug the bandanna around my nose down to rest on my neck and stretch out my lower back. 

Isabel catches sight of me just as she’s grabbing a towel from where Petra left them, “Hey are you done? Wanna join us?”

Shaking my head I go to stand with her and look at the others while she dries off a little, “No I don’t swim.”

“Come on,” She starts and glances up at me with her saucer eyes. “It will be fun.”

“Yeah come on Levi,” Eren chimes in gently before flipping off of a rock and into the water making a big splash. It’s stunning to watch him, he comes up shaking his head like a dog but it’s adorable in it’s own way. He waves gesturing for me to join him his hand moving rapidly back and forth.

While I'm briefly distracted Isabel does the unthinkable. Her hands grip the hem of my shirt and she start to yank it upwards. I hear her gasp before I can react and smack her hands down. She looks up at me with a horror struck expression and blinks rapidly. Her lips part and they struggle to form the words that she wants to say. My breathing starts to turn into small quiet gasps. I can feel the burn in my eyes and I step back. Did that really just happen? What am I going to do? I can feel that I'm on the brink of an attack. I try to remember what my mother always taught me but it's lost in the rush of the situation. 

“Levi… what… what happened?” She can barely force the words through her pale lips, colour seems to have drained from her face. 

I don’t know what to do… What am I supposed to say? Something wet glides down my cheek and I can’t help it. I turn around and start running. No matter what I can’t let her see me cry. I can’t let them see me cry. What the hell is happening? This camping trip is a goddamn curse! 

Kicking knocked over branches out of my way, huffing and spluttering for air as I persist through the shady trees, I start to cry out and hit anything I can. I'm frustrated. I'm so angry with myself. How could I let her see that? How did this even happen? I'm freaking out… I should just calm down. With one last, forceful thrust of my fist, I hit a rock. There’s a sickening crack and I whimper dragging my hand back against my chest. It hurts, but at the same time it's almost as though it feels good. I shudder, to think that I could sink back so quickly to my old ways is disgusting.

“Levi?” 

I turn back to come face to face with Eren. Tears well over my eyes and breathing becomes sporadic. This is the worst possible thing to happen. I just want to go home. My body is trembling and sharp long gulps sting my throat and no matter how hard I try nothing is getting through, I feel like I'm losing air and I drop to my knees. A warm hand spreads across my back and Eren pulls my face into his chest. It’s warm and almost safe. He murmurs soft words and pets my hair. This is humiliating. I don’t want to look up at him even though I'm starting to calm down. I let out a loud groan and Eren laughs gently.

“What’s wrong?” He pushes me back to look at me but I don’t have the courage to face him head on. I just soaked his already wet chest with my tears… 

“I'm so weak… I'm such a freak… what’s wrong with me?” I whimper in frustration and Eren forces my jaw upwards and plants a hot, sloppy kiss on my lips forcing them to part. 

When he finishes my breathing has spiked up from the intensity his lips parting from mine almost too quickly and he speaks in a delicious raspy tone, “Levi, there’s nothing about this that makes you weak, just human.”

I've always felt like I wasn't normal, or I was a freak, that I was stupid because I struggle with certain things. The only person that made me feel any better and made me feel like I was actually just normal was always my mother. She would protect me and watch over me, she didn't let me get to the point where I was having an anxiety attack in front of other people, she would hold my hand and make all of the discomfort go away. There was only ever one person to do that for me and I loved her so much… now it’s like Eren is taking her place. It was so fast, the attack came and went and all he did was hold me. He was calm and polite through all of it… patient and caring… I don’t understand… I don’t know what this means… we just met… 

“You kissed me…” I respond like an idiot, my voice sounds distant and I sniffle quietly. 

“I’d do it again too,” Eren says softly against my cheek and hugs me, “Hey Levi, is it okay if we just stay like this for a little while?”

I chuckle and adjust myself so that I'm on my knees hugging him back in a better position, “Don’t ask me that brat, just do it.”

Eren… Who are you and why do I feel so safe around you? It’s starting to scare me… I don’t know if I can trust this feeling… my feelings…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay another chapter :3 I don't have a lot to do with my life so I will probably post a new chapter every few days or so. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter I know that I had a lot of fun writing it.


	3. Anxious Avoidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's move made Levi a little anxious and he attempts to avoid Eren but low and behold they are sharing a tent together. Which means next to no sleep for Levi.

The weight of the situation didn't hit me until Eren and I were sauntering back together, close to one another. Not only did I start having a panic attack in front of Isabel, but now she knows that I have scars on my chest and it’s not like she’s just going to let that slide either and to top it all off Eren seen me cry... and he kissed me… he really kissed me… on the lips… my head starts to spin as the thoughts start to process properly in my head. Why would he even do that? I don’t understand… I can’t wrap my head around all of this. 

We walk in sync until we’re back at camp. The fire has been brought back to life, the giant, orange blaze consuming charred branches. The sun descends patiently leaving the sky a darker shade of blue as the stars dance providing on a mesmerizing show. Shadowed trees sway in the breeze. Krista, Ymir and Petra are sitting around the warm glow with towels over their still half naked bodies. They are roasting marshmallows with spears and laughing together over something I can’t quite make out. 

Before Eren and I left the safety of our little circle of forest he wiped my face clean of any tears and got me to calm down enough that I could breathe normally again. That doesn't mean that my eyes aren't red or deceive me and give away that I had been crying. I try to dodge any eyes that might meet mine. Eren leads me to sit down with the others at the camp fire and heads off to talk with Armin and Mikasa. Leaving me alone and gnawing on my lower lip; I really do feel better with him around. 

Ymir catches me off guard when she hands me a stick with a fluffy miniature white pillow pinned on the end of it, “You ever roasted a marshmallow before Levi?” 

Her tone is light and cheerful, her black hair is pulled back out of her face and the towel has abandoned her shoulder, the freckles on her cheeks are dulled by the licks of light that touch her face. I can tell that she’s tall and lanky with only a smidge of grace in her long fluid movements. She’s close to Krista, their arms bump together when Ymir returns to sit normally after I accept the metal rod. They seem pretty tight knit, just like Annie and Mikasa only neither of them are draped across the other like a protective blanket. 

Currently Mikasa and Annie are with Hange each spread out evenly sitting on the ground with pots in front of them and canned foods being emptied into them with loud, thick slapping noises. I assume that the three of them will be making our gourmet meal, on the menu there are beans and stubborn chicken soup. None of those are very appealing but it’s not like I could live off of my one measly marshmallow. Lazily, I let the puffy cloud hang over the flames until it’s a crispy brown and toss it in my mouth. It scorches my tongue and I gasp sucking in air desperate to try and put out the fire spreading all around my mouth; I'm such an idiot.

“That was way too fast Levi!” Ymir shouts out on the edge of her seat, “You should wait until it cools off at least.”

Krista giggles and wraps her hand around Ymir’s arm leaning forward to get a better look at me, “It’s not like it’s mandatory to eat ‘em slow. I like to pop them in my mouth right away too but Ymir is a bully and doesn't let me do that anymore after last time.”

Rubbing my neck I swallow hard and let out a low laugh, “I guess I wasn't thinking.”

Krista smiles, “Yeah, Ymir says I don’t do that enough sometimes.”

“No,” Ymir corrects, “I say you trust people too much.”

“It’s a marshmallow! How can you not trust a marshmallow?! They are so cute and fluffy! Look!” She holds out a new marshmallow and squeezes it between her fingers. “Fluff fluff! Fluff fluff!”

I can’t help but smile, she’s very childlike, the way that she acts is rather adorable however and suits her calm, angel like aura. It’s difficult not to respond to her cuteness that seems to command everyone’s attention. Even Ymir is completely compelled by the young blonde. Her hand slowly drags around her shoulders and her next move is so quick, her lips touch Krista’s timidly but soft and release their hold on them after two brief seconds. It starts to dawn on me that the two of them are a couple. Their bodies are close, their eyes are constantly trained on one another and the kiss puts it all into perspective for me. 

Personally I have never been in a relationship and my mother wasn't seeing anyone when I was growing up either. It was just the two of us against the world and occasionally my uncle Kenny would come by when he needed something. I don't understand tell what’s right or wrong or what things to look for when people are dating either. One thing I do know for sure is that a kiss is a fool proof way of knowing if someone is taken or not. Instantly my thoughts revert back to Eren’s lips on mine and my entire core heats up. Maybe that’s not very accurate information either. 

“Alright hold out until the camping trip is done at least, we don’t need to hear you two getting hot and heavy while we’re trying to get to bed,” Hange mutters as she brings over the silver pots on a rack and places it strategically over the fire. 

“Who’s to say we don’t need that?” Reiner chimes in coming to join us with Bertolt trailing behind him sheepishly. 

Hange snickers, “Shut up pervert.”

“I'm not even kidding, ladies, go for it,” Reiner squats down right behind Krista. “You look good in pink.”

Krista isn't wearing pink but her cheeks have taken on a light tint of the colour, it spreads evenly through them, “Don’t say things like that!”

Ymir smirks as she throws her arm around Krista and leans into Reiner’s face, “We’ll put on a show when you and Bertolt do.”

At the mention of this Bertolt jumps in with a nervous voice, this is amusing, there’s no deliberation drawn to me either so I continue to indulge in their banter as I stake another marshmallow onto my rod, “Th-that’s not h-how it is. W-we don’t need to t-talk about that.”

“What are we talking about?” Jean drops down beside the profusely blushing brunette and leans forward on his knees.

“Putting on a show. Said we’d give Reiner a show if he gave us one,” Ymir shrugs nonchalantly like what she said is no big deal at all though it nearly caused Bertolt to shit himself. 

Everyone's attention has now drawn to the circle around the crackling flames, Eren comes to sit next to the log right beside me. He’s wearing a large baggy green sweater and a toothy grin to match. His laugh is the most defined and the loudest of all, it’s one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. The epitome of a wondrous melody. My heart thrums rapidly with the sound and both begin to die down at a slow pace.

“Please, we all know how it is Bertolt. We've seen you two drunk and getting at it on the couch as if no one’s in the room,” Eren smirks cockily and runs his hands through his hair as he leans over my lap to pick up the bag of marshmallows and wink at me. 

Blood spreads through my cheeks probably making them a deep red. I'm cramped. It’s ridiculous how dumb I feel for letting him kiss me. I should have done something to stop him… and to have that panic attack… ugh… what does he think of me now? What do they think? I glance around the joyous circle, everyone is wearing a smile on their face but they weren't that far away… someone had to have seen me freak out with Isabel… someone just had to… I can feel my chest rise and fall a little faster, I can’t tell if my heart is hammering in my ribs like it wants to escape because of Eren or because I'm just realizing at the worst possible time that everyone was probably talking about when I ran off like that… 

Hange breaks into my terrifying new found awareness by placing a steaming hot bowl of hot chicken soup on my clothed lap, the smile on her face tells me she knows that something is up… did Isabel talk to them? Is the panic just written on my face? Am I just overreacting? I have to be overreacting… that would be best option for me right now… that's not how my luck works though… what does Hange know? I glance over to Isabel. She’s right next to Eren their shoulders brush together and she shoves a spoon full of beans into her mouth. I hadn't even noticed that food was being served… I was so focused on my rash inferences… even if deep down I know are just my own fears being brought to light to create scenarios in my head to torture myself. I hate myself. My mind never fully rests.

“Yeah well how was your first time?” Jean hollers from across the vicious bursts of orange to a silent, stunned, Eren, “Exactly so shut up. It’s not like you can brag about your ‘skills’.”

Just as fast as I had heard it the conversation slips away with the wind when Erwin opens his mouth, “Can’t we just eat in peace for once? You two and your bickering is getting old. Just shut up and stuff your faces then go to bed.”

It’s remarkable how quickly everyone does as he says, his authoritative voice giving off a compelling edge. Even I feel the need to keep quiet and I wasn't even talking. The only sounds left after are the cracks from the dying conflagration, the clinks of spoons and Jean and Reiner’s loud slurping sounds as they tilt their bowls back and drink the broth of their servings. As they finish they toss their dishes off to the side and stretch out. 

“You know what this camp fire needs?” Reiner blurts out with a slight slur, his tone is obviously tired, “Ghost stories.”

Jean bursts out laughing, “I thought you were going to say breasts or something! Okay well I got one-”

Hange stands up just as horse face is about to start his story, I don’t much want to listen but I don’t seen any other alternative, it’s rude to get up in the middle of someone’s sentence.

“Well I'm going to do the dishes, does anyone want to help?” She glances around and no one flinches. 

No one but me, “I’ll help you out.”

I finish off my last gulp of noodles and broth and stand up. Everyone else rushes to finish their own, the few that were already done and just held onto their bowls relinquish them to our waiting hands. As dirty and filthy as they are, I'm slightly relieved to be away from everyone. Hange and I walk over to lake with ten bowls each and a large square cooler hangs on Hange’s right forearm. She swiftly kneels down and tugs out a bundle of wash cloths, a bottle of no name soap and dips the container into the cool lake water. The soap makes a complicated design as it hits the clear water. Hange swirls her hand around to create a mound of bubbles. 

“Why did you volunteer?” She questions as the first bowl disappears under the frothy mess. 

“Ghost stories aren't my thing.”

She hums with approval and begins to scrub the dishes. We work for a couple of minutes, Hange washes the dishes and I dry them, Hange decides to make light conversation as if I'm interested in anything she has to say. She drones on about things at school and science experiments she has has the most fun with. I add the occasional hum and haw when the conversation calls for it. Hange can run her mouth without my efforts, she doesn't pause horribly long but when she does I suppress the urge to tell her to shut up and instead encourage her to continue. She mentions small details about her precious experiments, I don’t know why she felt like I was remotely interested, she brags about how good her subjects are, how she names them all and snaps pictures of them where they are added to a memoir book in her desk drawer and then proceeds to rip their insides out. It's a rather disgusting topic, the turn of events is disturbing and how little she cares only gives off an eerie air about her. 

It’s not the most interesting of exchanges, at some point I feel like I might have been better off listening to Jean’s dull story until it was dark enough to feign being tired and head to bed before my partner rather than drying dishes, dirtying the knees of my jeans and suffering through Hange’s death list. Soon, but not soon enough, we reach end and Hange has finished with her constant assault of failed science experiments names the death count was getting to be an outrageous amount, none of them had survived. 

I had been so wrapped up in Hange’s gruesome stories that I didn't even notice only three people remained at the brink of the fire, it’s dark now, the sun has faded completely out of sight. It has to be past ten o'clock, the others must be tired from how early we all got up to get ready, plus I think Isabel said something about them drinking the night before while we were riding together so not only are they tired but hung over as well. The trailers must be filled up since the doors are shut tight and there are no candles shining through the windows. I draw my attention to the three young men at the fire; Bertolt, Reiner and Eren. 

Hange claps her hands together and dumps the water into the sand, she piles all of the clean bowls, left over cloths and soap inside the cooler and sets them down gently in the back of one of the minivans. She huffs a heavy sigh pleased with her work and turns to face the four of us with wide excited eyes, “So where’s Erwin staying?”

Bertolt raises his hand to Farlan and Isabel’s trailer, “He went in there, the door should be open.”

“Are you two taking up the last tent together?” Hange smiles a wicked grin at Bertolt and he swallows hard under her intimidating stare before nodding his head nervously, “That leaves Levi and Eren to share the last tent.”

Hange cocks her eyebrows up like she knows something I wish no one knew about. It’s like she was there watching the kiss take place and it sends chills down my spine. I really hope that she's just making stupid hypothesis and being an idiot. Eren gleefully stands up and holds his arm out to me in a gesture to get me to link arms with him. I sigh, I don’t want to do this in the slightest so I shove his hand down roughly with my palm and storm off ahead of him.

“Good night everyone,” Eren chimes playfully following closely behind me. 

He zips up the tent behind us sealing in the scent of the cleaning solution I used and the heavy smell of smoke. Without so much as a warning Eren is flinging his sweater off of his back and stripping off his swim shorts, he shamelessly bends down to pick up his boxers off of ground and slips them into place just resting on his defined v-line. The muscles in his body roll underneath his gorgeous sun kissed skin. He’s painfully beautiful even in the limited light provided by a small blue lamp resting on the ground in the corner programmed to turn on itself. Eren’s toned body is much more impressive than most that I have seen on TV, witnessing something in person is just far more dazzling. He could be a model or something with his height and build. I have to admit that I'm jealous of his flawless nature. 

“Are you going to wear your clothes to bed?” Eren asks innocently sitting down on the air mattress that bends with his weight, “I don’t think that’s very sanitary if you do.”

“Don’t lecture me on sanitary brat. I probably know more about that compared to someone like you,” I mutter and turn away from him to undress myself. 

"That hurts," He scoffs. 

Even if Isabel knows about my scars, I'm sure that Eren doesn't. He’s seen me be enough of a freak for one day just with that panic attack I don’t need him to see my scars too. Luckily none stretch around to my back, they just litter the front of my body. My bag sits just to the left of the blue light and I bend over to take out a baggy grey sweater that covers my upper half and just the top of my thighs, it’s enough to shield off Eren’s looming eyes. I can sense he’s watching me, I don’t know if he’s genuinely curious about my physique or if he thinks I'm being strange, we’re both guys after all… It’s making me self conscious. I stand up when I finish and I sit down on the bed in my boxers and sweater and curl up on my side facing away from Eren. I thought I made it blatantly clear that I don’t want to be around him but Eren seem doesn't seem phased at all by my indifference. He throws his arm around my waist and tugs me closer to him in a cuddling position; I've never thought about being little spoon before it's almost ironic with how much I complain about being smaller and yet don't even flinch under Eren's tall frame. 

However right now? This is not what I want. I'm not nervous about this, I'm actually quite relaxed and that’s exactly what gets to me, I shouldn't accept this no matter what. I don’t know this guy. He probably thinks I'm a gay guy with no limits and that as long as he’s pretty I'm not going to reject him. Well… that’s how I assume his thought process is… I wouldn't know! He kissed me… and I didn't reject him… I should have stopped him… I can’t read his mind and that’s bothering me almost more than the kiss itself. He’s close to me right now, I can feel his hot breath on my neck and I can tell that the way that his body is relaxed that he’s fast asleep. Why is he so relaxed? Why is this okay to him? What does he want from me? I don't even know if I like men in that way and this kid... ugh... this is just too troublesome.

Questions linger through my mind for hours refusing to allow me to sleep. I don’t even know how long I have been laying still underneath Eren’s strong arm. At some point he started snoring lightly and as annoyed as I was I didn't say anything. Finally, he moves so that his arm is slipped in between my legs and his head is bent down to rest at the nape of my neck. His breath is hot, all I can think about is how close we are and how exciting it is. Butterflies flutter in my chest and I have to get out of his grasp. My fingers wrap around his wrist and I drag it out from the space in my thighs and toss my legs over the side as gracefully as I can manage. Eren doesn't stir in his sleep, he snuggles up with his own arm and frees me. Without delay I yank up my own personal towel, some soap and shampoo from my bag. I cast back one last look to Eren's peaceful sleeping face and hurry out. 

The lake is only one short stretch of plant life away. My feet press into the grass as I pad along the fresh green plush carpet. It’s cool but I don’t mind, compared to the sauna that I was just encased in for the past two or three hours this is nice. Even the water is a welcomed sensation. The cool liquid gently lapping at my feet as I strip off my clothes leaving them off to the side of a rock with the rest of my products before I delve into the dark waves. The moonlight dances in my wake, all around me slapping against the front of my waist. I run my hands over my eyes and through my hair to draw it out of my face. If I was tired at any point I completely ruined that by doing this. I can’t make a prediction on the time but if I my calculations were right before I would say it’s around one or two o'clock easy. Deep down I wish I brought a watch with me, I don’t have the guts to ask anyone what time it is. Not that anyone is awake right now anyway. 

My feet bounce and squish into the mud beneath me as I make my way back towards the shore for my shampoo. I know that I'm not getting immaculately clean with bathing in a surely dirty lake and I didn't bring shoes with me for the walk back after, a miscalculation on my part but this makes me feel a tiny bit better that I'm at least going to smell better in the morning. I have been in a hot, compact car all day collecting more than just my own perspiration. I remember being jammed between shitty four eyes and the blonde brick wall… yeah this is way better than not showering at all. I'm appalled I didn't think of doing this earlier. 

I stand up on the same rock I left my things beside and cover my body in the fluffy suds of my soap and shampoo. After a moment I plunge back into the water to rinse off. As I come up I can hear a trailer door open and I quickly take cover under the cover of the stone I just leapt off of to get a side view while staying almost completely submerged in the bubbly water. I can see Isabel hesitating at the front of my tent in a robe and little booty slippers. She quickly unzips the tent and disappears into the small opening. It takes her no more than two minutes to retreat with a groggy Eren behind her. They speak low enough that I can’t hear them from where I am, they start to vanish together onto the same Eren had given me shoulder through.

Oh… so I wasn't far off when I thought that Krista was his type… Isabel is more of his thing? I shouldn't be disappointed, he's a guy and I'm a guy, it's only logical he likes a girl isn't it? I wait until they are out of sight to get out of the water and swiftly return to the tent. The first thought that hits me is if I hurry I can fall asleep before they get back.Tossing the towel off of my waist I start to scrummage through my bag turning everything over to find fresh underwear and throw on the same sweater I was in before. I jump into the bed hastily though I seriously doubt it will take them five minutes to finish and if they are going to the same spot he took me earlier it’s going to take a lot longer. I drag my sleeves past my hands, tug up the thick blanket at the bottom of the bed and curl in on myself. It doesn't take as long as I thought for a deep slumber to take over. 

-

A bright light stings my eyes as they slowly open to the slit of the tent entrance. The sun is shining and there is girlish laughter sounds from just outside real close, probably just around the fire pit again. It dawns on me that I should probably get out of bed myself and with that I shove my elbows beneath my stiff body and out of the warmth of the blankets. I forgot another reason why I hate camping, it’s not just because of the no showering thing or the lack of plumbing but it’s also as though you’re walking through an ice cave when you first wake up. 

My rigid legs lead me out of the tent just barely clearing the small lip at the bottom causing me to trip up slightly. Heads snap back to look at me, my arms are crossed over my chest and I can only imagine that I look like a mess right now. My hair is probably standing on end from falling asleep with it wet last night and bags are most likely swelling under my eyes. I squint at the sun and huddle up deeper into my sweater as if it can shelter me from the blinding attack. 

“Good morning Levi, do you want something to eat?” Krista hums sweetly from the log that she’s contently seated on as she drops beads into place on a thick string. 

I shake my head, “No I’m fine.”

Hange laughs, “You look like hell Levi. What happened to your hair? Did Eren keep you up all night?” 

I wrinkle my nose and catch Isabel blushing just off to the side as she sips her water bottle eagerly, that's right it wasn't me he would have kept up, it's her, “No I just wasn't able to sleep. I think your shitty face was haunting my memories and kept me up half the night while the other half was interrupted by your obnoxious snoring.”

“I apologize. Erwin has warned me about that,” Hange grins playing along. 

Krista is putting together a necklace of some sort, Ymir is roasting a hot dog, Isabel is avoiding any possible eye contact with anyone as she kicks at the bottom of her shoe with her other foot and Hange is knelt down off to the side of my tent with a jar upside down over top of something large and moving. But there’s no one else here. 

“Where are the others?” I murmur as I stumble over to sit down on the same stump that I monopolized last night. 

“They went on a hike. Oh and Petra is in her trailer,” Ymir mumbles, she seems to be concentrating very hard on getting her hot dog cooked the right way. 

Isabel gets up the courage to speak, “Can I talk to you for a minute Levi?”

Licking my lips I stand up again, “Yeah I gotta piss anyway. Come on.”

“You’re gonna pee in front of her?” Ymir asks wide eyed as she turns her focus onto us obviously shocked and horrified at my calm demeanour over the whole situation.

I shrug, “It’s not like she’s watching me do it.”

Ymir doesn't get the chance to respond, Isabel snares my arm in her hand and starts to drag me off out of earshot of everyone else. We stop somewhere in the middle of a huddle of trees. I step in front of one and tug my boxers down. Isabel lets out a disgusted sigh and turns away quickly. 

“What were those scars from Levi?” She asks clearly irritated. 

“This isn't something I want to get into right now.”

Her tone turns from annoyed to concerned within seconds and as soon as I finish up her arms are around my waist, “Levi please. If something is wrong I want to help you! I'm your friend. You can trust me, I only want the best for you.”

I groan and pet her head pushing her back with my free hand to meet her curious green eyes, “Relax. It’s nothing to worry about right now. I'm fine. It was a mistake I made when I was younger and we can talk about it another time.”

“Eren won’t tell me what happened when you ran off… you really freaked me out, did you do anymore?!” She shouts and tugs my shirt up to inspect my chest. 

I slap her hands away once again like yesterday and scold her with my eyes, “I didn't do anything, dammit Isabel! I'm not telling you here. It’s fine, do you understand? I'm fine. It’s nothing to worry about anymore it’s all in the past. I don’t bug you and lift your shirt up to see if you've gotten fat again, let it go.”

She pouts obviously displeased with my example but when I smirk and start laughing quietly her lips crack upwards and her shrill giggle mingles with my harsh monotone chuckle to make an almost melodic harmony. We let the previous conversation melt away and I toss my arm around her shoulders as we stroll back to where the girls have assumed new positions. Hange stands tall behind the stump that I was on not too long ago, Krista holds a pair of tweezers in her hands while she bounces around giddily on her log and Ymir brings silver tools that shimmer in the light blindingly. 

“What’s this?” I halt in place while Isabel dances ahead of me to join the girls, reaching behind Krista to grab a small golden bag.

“We’re going to give you a make over. Come, sit sit,” Ymir gestures widely to the tree trunk waiting for me. 

I hate camping. Rolling my eyes I attempt to turn away and run, maybe I could catch up with the guys and avoid this mess but Petra comes out of nowhere to clamp her hands down on my shoulders and turn me around. The force behind her little body is amazing, I could easily get out of her hold mind you but for a girl of her stature I'm surprised she can even move me. I reluctantly oblige to their whims and sit down sullen and displeased with whatever they plan to do to me.

“I didn't sign up to be a test rat shitty four eyes,” I growl as she throws a towel around my shoulders and accepts the scissors that I hadn't noticed in Ymir’s small hands. “No, no way you aren't cutting my hair!”

Isabel whines and kneels down in front of me, I wonder if these eyes work on Eren, I shake my head immediately and listen to her when I notice her lips moving, “-besides it’s getting a bit long isn't it? Hange won’t do anything to mess it up, she’s been practising really hard to get into beauty school. She does Far’s hair!”

“Great that’s what I need, Farlan’s haircut,” I murmur darkly. 

But without further discussion Hange snips into my hair and I watch it float to the ground. I sit there like a doll letting Hange cut endless bounds of black strands off of my head and Krista tugs loose hairs around my eyebrows out viciously. Isabel fawns over how long my eyelashes are and how much she can’t wait to put mascara on them. If this is what I have to deal with for the next couple of hours I don’t know if I can really put up with it. I would rather be lost in the woods searching for the others, maybe even getting mauled by a bear or coyote, though that would just be too lucky for me. I'm not an animal to be tested on, I'm not even a girl to be experimented on! This is annoying.

“Are we done yet?” I growl through clenched teeth and Isabel plants herself firmly on my lap with her legs spread and leans in close enough to make me flinch back into Hange’s hips. 

“You’re lucky I'm done or else you could have been a dead subject, one that I wouldn't even get to name!” Hange rubs my shoulders and Isabel attacks my eyelashes with thick globs of mascara and a pencil along the waterline of my eyelid. 

“Gah!” I cry out in shock, it tickles so much, it's too weird of a feeling, I let out a low whimper and she pulls back admiring her work as my eyes tear up, “What the hell is that? Acid?!”

“Nope, just eye liner… you literally look so hot right now… like you know those hot emo boy bands? You look like one of them! With the hair all in front of your stony grey eyes… Levi if you weren't my best friend, I’d totally go out with you!” The way that Isabel’s eyes scan my body makes me believe every word she just spoke.

“What the hell?” I grumble and Krista shoves a small mirror in front of my face.

...It’s different. The black strands of my hair are all toppled over onto the left side of my face just over my eye, both now thickly lined with black make up products, they make the irises of my eyes pop out and if I had any piercing I could most definitely pass for an emo punk or something like that… I might have to do that just to keep up this façade. The undercut I was sporting now reaches almost to the top of my head, I run my hand over the soft fuzz. 

“Wow,” Someone breathes out breathlessly and for a second I thought it might have been me if my eyes weren't suddenly trained on a shirtless, glistening Eren… a soft blush spreads over my cheeks, his gaze is solely stamped on me, jaw slightly slackens and he freezes as if he's just been struck by sudden realization.

Don’t look at me with that intense stare… I can't handle it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have finished plotting at least half of this story and now I really know where it is going. So in the next chapter there will be a new aspect of the story provided by the one and only adorable little Armin! His chapters will start with Cautious instead of Anxious so hopefully you can look forward to a whole new perspective. Also thank you for reading this far.


	4. Cautious Approach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Armin's first chapter, basically, he wants to get Jean's attention and does something that he didn't really think through.

The orange and yellow flames lick at the sky as Jean hysterically continues his story about a dismembered body dragging itself across a hardwood floor. A wicked smile spreads from ear to ear and his hand clamps down on my thigh gripping it tight. My blood runs cold, a vicious shiver runs down my spine and I let out a strangled yelp. It’s bad enough that I have to listen to the stupid story but to sit right next to Jean is a curse. He unexpectedly grabs people and tries to give them a scare. I’ve noticed that he comes to sit next to me a lot more because I’m an easier target.

“Jean!” I slap his hand away viciously and pull my knees into my chest.

“That’s not funny horse face, pick on someone else,” Eren rumbles from the other side of the fire, eyeing us carefully with his head hung in a way that the light reflects dark shadows under his emerald green eyes.

“Oh come on,” Jean grumbles and tosses his arm casually around me, “Armin can take it. He’s killed a spider before, bloody guys sliding across a floor is no big deal. Right Arlert?”

He’s trying to get me to let him off the hook… and with a face like that how can I say no? I nod my head slowly and shrug it off like my soul didn’t just try to escape my body a second ago. Truth of the matter is I really like Jean and I wanted to impress him with how much my outdoor skills have improved! I mean I’ve read about twenty different books on how to survive in the wilderness and I’ve taught myself for hours how to tie a variety of knots (I specialize in the butterfly knot, if you need a butterfly knot I’m your guy).

Of course I haven’t really gotten the chance to show off to Jean yet since I have been sitting around with Eld and Gunther instructing them on how to put up the tents properly and Jean was busy trying to figure out how the hell to work the trailer. These campfire stories were my chance to prove that I’ve gotten tougher in the course of three books about confidence and a day of following Mikasa and Annie around. I’m disappointed that it didn’t turn out the way that I hoped. Crying like a little girl is probably not going to get me anywhere quick. 

Sighing, I stretch my legs out in front of me and roll myself up into a standing position. I’m tired, it’s getting late, the height of the sun tells me it’s about eleven thirty and that’s enough for me, “I’m going to call it a night.”

Eren tilts his head upwards, “Where are you staying tonight?”

I haven’t really thought about it yet, I’m going to be in a trailer, Jean’s trailer but I don’t know what bed I’m going to be in yet, “Um, not sure, Jean’s trailer but I’m picking a bed at random. What about you?”

Eren smirks, he’s excited about something, I’ll have to ask him later when we’re alone, “I’m gonna wait for Levi to finish up and share a tent with him.”

Rolling my eyes I grin at him and squeeze his shoulder as I head inside. It doesn't take much more than that to tell me exactly why he's hyped up. Eren seems to have taken a liking to Levi. It’s not like he’s bad looking or anything, in fact he’s rather cute, he’s shorter than everyone here and he fidgets a lot. I don’t think he’s aware of just how blatantly obvious it is that he’s uncomfortable, I don't want to point it out it's just that he move a lot and his eyes never meet anyone's for more than a few seconds. I haven’t made an effort to speak with him yet mostly because he reminds me of a cat; he’s cool and calm on his own but talk to him or approach him the wrong way and he might just run.

Eren’s not always the easiest to deal with and if there’s something else I’ve picked up on it’s the fact that Levi doesn’t mind when he's around. He’s not as collected as he is when he’s standing on his own, his hands will shake visibly or his eyes will dart from Eren’s to the ground but I feel like he’s far more content compared to when he’s sitting awkwardly in between anyone that isn't Isabel or Farlan. I don’t know what kind of conclusion I can draw from all of that… all I know for sure is that Eren is probably very interested in Levi. And if he's not careful he's going to push him away without meaning too. 

A hiss leaves my lips, I tug my shirt over my head and drop it to my open bag on the floor. If I didn’t have my own problems to worry about I would be more invested in Eren’s love life, however I’m tangled up in my own as luck would have it. I’m not a very… confident person when it comes to situations regarding liking someone or anything like that. It’s actually really hard for me to express myself and I’m horrible at flirting, I should be arrested every time I try it’s illegal to look that stupid. Not that anyone seems to notice anyhow, Jean’s played it off countless times as my humor being awkward and difficult to understand. In a sense I suppose I’m relieved that he doesn’t comprehend what I’m trying to do, I still don’t know how I’m going to make him get it though which is really the hardest part to deal with. 

After I undress I pick up a fresh pair of boxers and slip them on along with a large t-shirt to wear to bed. I’m not sure which bed Jean will be in tonight, I guess that doesn’t matter, I still need to choose one of the three so I wander over to the bed near the back of the minivan and crawl up the ladder to drop onto the plush mattress. Jean’s parents went out of their way to get brand new mattresses when they found out that we were going to go on a camping trip. Jean was so humiliated when all of us were sitting in his basement eating chips and pizza when his parents came downstairs to inform us all that they found the perfect beds for their Jeany bear. It’s pretty cute when he’s blushing hard enough to turn his entire body a deep shade of red. 

Not long after I make myself comfortable huddled under the blankets alone with my thoughts the door swings open and Gunther, Eld and Erwin come into the trailer. They aren’t really talking or anything they're silent, they must think that I’m already asleep or they have gotten too tired to talk. I watch as Erwin’s shirt hits the roof when he removes it and I can see the top of his head just over the railing of the bed I’ve claimed. I shuffle closer to the edge to see the sleeping arrangements they make, Eld and Gunther take the bed at the opposite end and Erwin dibs the bed where the table used to be by sitting down firmly in the center of it… 

Erwin and Hange have been together for as long as I can remember and there’s no way she’s going to sleep without him. Everyone here knows that… which means that Jean and I will have to share a bed… my heart starts to race and suddenly it’s overwhelmingly hot in here… I scooch back over to my side with my hand over my collarbone playing with the loose material there. It’s not like I’ve never slept beside Jean before, we’ve had countless sleepovers together with everyone else… it’s the first time that I’m directly beside him alone… and hopelessly in love with him…

A couple minutes later when the door opens again I freeze in place. Jean is louder than the others. His feet thump loudly on the floor and his clothes are even louder than anyone else’s like he’s deliberately throwing them instead of just casually letting them fall. That could just be me though, no one else complains, I’m not sure if the others are still awake or if they have already fallen asleep. I don’t hear Jean open his bag at all and I know that it’s remained unzipped since we got here… which means he must only be in his boxers. A lump forms in my throat and I struggle to swallow it down.

“You still up Armin?” Jean murmur as he flops down beside me with his arm over my waist like it's not a big deal or anything. 

“Uh huh,” I whisper softly into the darkness and put my hand on the back of his arm, turning my head to meet his eyes. 

“Did my story scare you that much?” He snuggles into my side a bit more dragging me to his warm, bare, chest, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have grabbed you.”

I laugh lightly and roll up on my side to meet his front, “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Oh. Good,” His words are drowsy. I can tell that he’s passing out… this could be my best chance.

“Hey Jean?” I bite my lip nervously waiting for his hum of approval, “I-I um… I just want… you to know… I… um… I really li- n-no… no Jean I-I love you.”

I whisper low enough for only Jean to hear though the surroundings are so dead anyone of the other guys could have heard. It’s not long before Jean groans and soft snores fill the air. I still for a second but relax a little… that wasn’t impossible… he’s sleeping and most likely isn’t even aware that I just confessed to him like a pathetic loser but at least I know that I can do it… well… sort of… I shake my head and drop onto my back once again letting sleep drag me under until morning. 

-

The sun streams through the trailer as I crack open the door. Everyone else is still sleeping. Hange must have joined Erwin at some point after I fell asleep since I didn’t notice her come in. The fire is out and there are birds flying around in the debris picking out pieces of marshmallow and beans or chunks of chicken and noodles that spilt over the pots yesterday. The lake is stunning and the sun is slowly dragging itself from behind the trees. It’s early, I make the rough estimate of seven or eight o’clock and settle for making breakfast. 

We packed breakfast sausages, eggs and some bacon. There’s not enough pans for everything so I take the sausages and stuff them onto the metal skewers we brought and place them strategically between the rocks around the growing hearth in a way that will cook them properly. The rack that was used to support the pots over top of the roaring flames remains in the center and I place the only pan we have over top of it. I use my right hand to crack the eggs and the other to scramble them. Once the eggs are done I drop them into various bowls and cover them with plate to keep them hot while I slap the bacon down in the center of the pan. The grease is scolding as it jumps from the pan, I brave the attack and quickly finish them off covering them with another plate. The sausages are pretty much done by the time that Mikasa and Annie come to sit around the makeshift kitchen. 

“Good morning,” I smile at them as I wipe my arms off with my sleeves. 

“Morning,” Mikasa mutters into her scarf leaning against Annie’s shoulder.

“Yeah, good morning Armin,” Annie yawns and stretches out slipping her arm around Mikasa to hold her closer. 

They have been dating for a little over a year now. From what I can tell they have a very understanding relationship. They don’t have to talk to each other to understand what they want, their actions are louder than their words and they are settled with the situation they are in. Eren and I have already discussed together that they are the cutest couple we’ve ever seen. 

“How was your sleep?” I question as I make up a plate for each of them.

They accept quickly and Annie is the first to start stuffing her face, Mikasa turns her attention towards me with a pleasant grin, “It was fine. How was yours?”

“Mmm, it was fine,” I smile and chew on a piece of crispy bacon. 

Slowly the others start to awake, stumbling out of their nests and huddling in on themselves with tired eyes and stiff joints. It doesn’t take long for a quiet conversation to build. When Jean looks up from his plate and meets my eyes I gasp quietly. Jean is a rather attractive guy no matter how you put it, strong jawline, stunning eyes, gorgeous bone structure and normally perfectly combed hair… however right now, his hair's a flawless mess and his hooded eyes are captivating. My mouth dries just thinking about what it would be like to be inches away from him, just a fingertip away from pressing my lips to his… a shudder runs down my spine.

“What do you want to do today Armin?” His voice has a natural guttural purr that’s thrilling to listen to.

I shake my head after a moment of silence, “Oh um…” I already know what I want to do but I settle for the next best thing, I want to impress him, “Let’s go for a hike.”

Eren’s tuned into the conversation now, he tilts his jaw up from gobbling down his eggs, “What about Levi? He’s still sleeping.”

Isabel lets out a choked laugh, “Levi is better to be left alone. He doesn’t like getting woken up. That’s okay, I’ll stay back I don’t really want to go for a hike anyways.”

Krista nods, “Yeah me either. I’m not really good at that stuff.”

“I’ll stay too then,” Ymir chimes in laying her head on Krista’s lap.

“I-I mean we don’t have to…” I start but Reiner stops me.

“Ah let the girls have their fun, they can tell Levi where we went and if he’s a real man he can join us.”

Annie rolls her eyes, “What makes you a real man? I can do way more than you can and better. Does that make me, a girl, more of a man than you, a boy?”

“Prove it. Come with us, we’ll see just how long you can last,” Reiner challenges and it takes no more than three seconds for Annie and Mikasa to accept with fury in their eyes…

If the girls were staying back, I didn’t want them to come, they are way better at impressing Jean than I am and anything I do is only going to be weak in comparison. Especially if they're going to be competing. Not only does that draw everyone’s attention to them but they are going to be doing things that I know I can’t do… This has just gotten way too frustrating. My head pounds in my skull dully and I rub the bridge of my nose. 

Jean declares we have five minutes to get dressed and get the hell out of there before he starts his annoying wails. It’s really kind of him to warn us considering the last time that Jean had a little temper tantrum he out shone two toddlers and shut three babies up around him. The security guard at the mall was not pleased however we had a good laugh about it. I’m sure I’m not the only who has been brought back to thinking about this time since everyone scrambles frantically to their bags not bothering to shut the doors or tent openings behind them. 

I’m the last to the trailer and I squeeze through the strong bodies of Erwin, Gunther and of course finally Jean. His shirt is off, exposing his broad chest and muscular arms. He grins casually as I come to stand in front of him and kneel down to collect a pair of ripped jeans, my hiking boots and a tight button up shirt with sleeves rolled up past the elbow. As I undress I don’t face him, it’s a little embarrassing, I can feel the heat of his body inches from my own and his breath tickles the back of my neck.

“You wanna make a bet? I say Annie’s going to kick Reiner’s ass,” Jean chuckles softly, the throaty sound warming the pit of my stomach giving me chills. 

“Well I would take you up on that but I know that he can’t win against Annie. I’ll just keep my money and get Reiner a nice gift while he recovers in the hospital or something,” Gunther smirks proudly as he tugs his shirt on over his head. 

Eld’s quiet, calm voice follows Gunther’s remark, “I have to side with Gunther on this one, I won’t make a bet I’ll lose.”

Jean shrugs calmly, “Yeah I figured as much. Oh well worth a shot. You guys ready? Two minutes.”

“Get out of here if you’re going to start screaming your head of Kirstein,” Eld points his thumb to the door and Jean happily obliges giving us one more warning, one minute and thirty nine seconds.

We swiftly throw on all of our clothes and by the time that Jean reaches the twenty second count down we’re all standing in a crowd around him. His smug smile tugs at the corner of his lips and he begins a sturdy march up the hill on the opposite side of where Eren had taken Levi yesterday for his shoulder ride. We stand side by side in a straight line together like kindergartners on a field trip. Eren and I have decided to venture together and I have been listening to him fawn over Levi. 

“No but like I think it’s so cute! His lips are so soft too, I don’t know I think he’s cute, do you think he might like me?” Eren gnaws on his bottom lip speaking with his hands passionately, I’m only half paying attention to him. 

Right now Annie and Reiner are scaling the cliff side that we have been walking along for an hour, they hang over top of our heads, the deal with this competition is the first one to hit the ground loses and the winner gets to choose the next task. So far Annie is kicking ass but Reiner is right behind her and Jean’s eyes have been glued to them without fail. He’s animatedly talking with Sasha and Connie about how amazing they look up there and all I can hope is that one of them drop to the ground. Of course not getting hurt in the process, just enough to stop the whole rivalry between them. 

“- I don’t know what Isabel might say though, she’s close with Levi and we just… well you know, I don’t want to make her angry or jealous or anything,” Eren must have been talking this entire time, I didn’t even notice. 

My mind wanders to how Annie looks climbing, she’s very strong and that’s very noticeable, she’s toned and looks good, something about the way that she appears actually makes her seem that much stronger… I tilt my head side to side witnessing every strenuous move and the way that her muscles roll effortlessly. It hits me… 

“Do you think that I could scale the side of the walk way too?” I interrupt whatever Eren was saying and he looks at me hurt and astounded. 

“What?”

“Yeah, like, if I started climbing or something what do you think?” I tear my eyes away from Annie and meet his curious gaze. 

“No, I think that’s insane. You can barely carry a sack of potatoes,” Eren grips my shoulder and tugs me under his arm. “Armin, Jean’s an idiot. Don’t even waste your time.”

“You don’t see what I see, you see horse face, which I really don’t get by the way… and I see… well I see… I see Jean and he’s… there’s nothing wrong with him,” I whine a little bit, I can hear it myself and I’m already annoyed. “ I just want to do something to get him to notice me.”

Eren’s shoulders shake with laughter and he lets me go, “Well if you’re going to do what Annie and Reiner are doing I don’t think that you should do it right now at least… what happens if you fall?”

Eren’s right I’m being completely stupid, however when Jean’s eyes light up seeing Reiner struggle to leap over a flat stretch of pure dirt that Annie has already easily cleared, I don’t waste much time, “I’m doing it.”

“No…” Eren groans, his protest doesn’t phase me though, I’m already gripping the strongest rocks to hoist myself up. 

Reiner and Annie are only about five feet off of the ground so that when they fall they won’t get too badly injured… I don’t anticipate falling so I push myself to go even higher… only… it’s probably a bit too high when I look down and everyone looks much too far away. They shield their eyes from the sun as they gawk up at me… my vision goes blurry… yeah no I shouldn’t have done this. I wasn’t even supposed to go straight up. What happened to scaling?

“You okay?!” Eren calls up to me, “Do you need someone to come get you?”

I shake my head, I could really use a hand... I'm not going to admit that though, everything feels very unstable right now and I should probably get some help down but... “N-no!” I shout back at him.

It only takes a matter of seconds, I readjust my foot and the rock beneath me gives out, my heart gets stuck in my throat as I drop about three feet only saved by a very sharp and painful rock. A yelp erupts from my lips and my hands and legs flail when my chest hits the pointed stone, the wind leaves my lungs just as fast as I took it in. I can hear a collective gasp below me I don’t see what’s going on though. The rock shifts under my weight, I desperately claw at the soft earth around me waiting for the air to flood my throat to no avail. I can’t really focus, all I know is that I can’t breathe and the ground is coming up fast. 

“Armin!” Eren’s voice just barely reaches me through the blood pounding through my ears, it’s alarming, I snap my head down just in time to meet the branch head on. My body flips backwards and I hit a solid enough surface to hold my weight… Black starts to blur around the edges of my vision, a gasp of air rips through my throat painfully as the bright blue sky is engulfed by the abyss. 

-

It couldn’t have been more than five minutes since I fell when Jean’s panicked voice breaks through to my hazy thoughts… He looks like an angel hovering over top of me. The sun shines just right over the blonde of his hair and his eyes, though terror struck, are very alluring. I can barely make out what he’s saying, his lips are moving and it’s obvious that he’s shouting it; just doesn’t register with me at all. 

“What were you thinking?!” His tone is much harsher than I thought, that doesn’t belong to angel. 

“I just… I just wanted to… be cool…” I murmur quietly and shove my elbows under me to prop myself up.

My head throbs, my chest burns and my back rejects any and all attempts at sitting up past a certain point. This was a bad idea… What’s wrong with me? Everyone's going to be so mad. It all seems worth it as a sloppy grin pastes itself over Jean’s perfect lips and he drags me up into a horribly agonizing, yet welcomed, hug. He’s warm, his heart is beating fast and sweat clings to the slight exposure of his chest that my cheek rests on. 

“I never thought there would be a day that I could call Armin Arlert stupid but today is that day. Seriously what made you want to be 'cool'?” His emphasis on cool is almost offensive, he pushes me back to meet my eyes.

Coherent thoughts immediately scramble to my head, excuses already forming around trying to edge their way out of my lips. This situation has taken a heavy turn, my head drops and tears form in my eyes. Now is as good a time as any to make a confession, he climbed up here on a rail thin ledge to save me that has to count for something… 

“I-I… it’s just… ‘cause you… you like that kind of thing… you were watching… Annie and Reiner…” I just barely even hear myself, my voice is close to a silent whisper, “It’s because I… want to be what… you want…”

He doesn’t speak, he’s completely mute, my heart races and I want to take it back immediately, as I go to open my mouth to try and fix what I said I notice that Jean seems completely transfixed on something… something on my face… or on me… he’s focusing on me… it’s not uncomfortable or anything like that. He’s legitimately enticed by something on me. I just wish I knew what it was. His curious stricken, puppy face is overwhelming for my heart.

“Armin… you adorable little sap… seriously? Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” He pulls me back into his arms once again. 

“I was… I was scared,” I bring my noodle arms up to grip his shoulders and rest my head on his collarbone. 

He shakes his head and a soft laugh sounds in his chest, “You know… I’ve had a huge crush on you for awhile… I just didn’t know when a good time to confess would be… I guess after you fall and probably have a concussion is a great time.”

“I confessed to you.”

Another chuckle leaves his lips and my heart flutters out of my chest, “That’s true… that was pretty cool though., the fall. If you could have seen it you would have probably thought it was cool too…”

“Jean…” I murmur, I don't really understand where he's going with this.

“Armin… will you go out with me?” He glances down at me and meets my eyes full on… it’s overpowering, completely enthralling and hypnotizing… 

“Yes,” I spit out instantly and his forehead rests against mine a smile at the corners of his mouth and his beautiful eyes are closed, long lashes ghost across his cheeks.

Eren’s loud voice interrupts the wonderful moment that Jean and I were sharing, I’m actually extremely angry when I hear him, “Are you guys coming down at any point? We don’t have all day!”

That’s all it takes. Jean carried me down on his back, when we reached the bottom we inspected my body for wounds. My stomach had a few minor scrapes and there will probably be a bruise later but I was fine to continue on the hike. Jean and I stayed close to each other and Eren went to walk with Erwin instead. The scene was so beautiful and Jean would occasionally whisper sweet compliments into my ear. I couldn’t believe it myself, I wouldn’t have if I weren’t living in that moment. There are things that I did too that I have wanted to do for a long time now, I would kiss his cheek or hold his hand and I was basically a leech on his side the entire time. 

Eren would only occasionally comment on the proximity between Jean and myself, he was mostly busy with bickering with Erwin or he would even bounce to Farlan’s side to bug him about Levi. Really it seemed like they were feeding each other information from what I gathered every time I would turn my attention to them, Farlan would ask questions about Isabel and when he got his answers, in turn, Eren would ask about Levi. While the others were busy cheering on Annie and Reiner (Annie being the ultimate winner in the end) they didn’t even notice what Jean and I were doing or what Eren and Farlan were talking about.

Well they didn’t notice until we were on our way back. They poked fun and teased Jean, I was barely bothered at all since I did little to react. Jean’s face would get red and he would yell at them to shut up and leave him alone or he would threaten to kill them. It was so cute! Unfortunately Bertolt came to Jean’s rescue and pulled him away to hang out with him, Reiner, Mikasa and Annie at the back of the group. Eren took this chance to seize my arm and blab on the entire walk back about what he learned about Levi.

“He has a cat named Titan! Farlan says he’s the cutest little thing ever. I really want to meet him, I wonder if he’s anything like Levi, I can’t imagine that Levi is much different from a cat right? They are tidy and clean and-” Eren stops short and his breath hitches in his throat. “Wow.”

My head turns to the side to catch the sight of Levi inspecting himself in the mirror…

“Armin…” Eren starts, I can tell just by his tone that I’m never going to hear the end of his rants about Levi, “I can’t breathe.”

“It’s easy, inhale and exhale,” I murmur, “Don’t stare at him like that you’re making him uncomfortable." 

Though, I can’t blame Eren, I know that I get to be the same way around Jean… I don’t see what Eren sees, I imagine it’s something similar to what I see when I look at Jean; the most perfect human being ever to roam the earth that can do no wrong… it’s not fair to have that much power over someone. My eyes trail back to Jean and when he catches me his winning grin knocks the breath out of my lungs all over again. 

It’s not fair at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought that I would have gotten this chapter done the next day but it took me forever to really get into it and I have no idea why so... my bad. But it's finally done and hopefully that doesn't happen again. So yeah, I hope you enjoyed that.


	5. Anxious Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi isn't sure how to feel about Eren and he tries to avoid as much confrontation with him as possible. Only that's just not his luck. After a few drinks, a game of truth or dare and alone time with Eren what's the possibility that they talk anyway right?

My fingers trail patterns through the blurred reflection of my new face peering over the jagged rocks. Isabel and Farlan speak softly over the quiet waves lapping against the shore. There’s laughter from behind us, the others are all huddled together around Armin. When they came back the first thing Krista noticed was the dried blood coagulated in the middle of his forehead. For the past fifteen minutes everyone has been focused on that so Isabel and Farlan to the opportunity to swarm me and convince, more like drag, me to watch them swim. 

“So… like… have you ever thought about talking to someone Levi?” Isabel hesitates, she doesn't want to talk about this and I don’t much want to either, “I mean… just because… well those scars…”

“Aren't fresh. It’s not even a problem anymore Izzy. Really, I'm serious… I don’t do that anymore,” I respond in a dull monotone, my hand cups the water and I drag it lazily upwards to watch it drizzle down my forearm.

Farlan chuckles, “Doesn't matter you should talk to someone. I mean you don’t even leave the house, what’s up with that?”

I wrinkle my nose, “What’s the point? I don’t want to go out…”

They pause long enough for the water to still around them, I lift my gaze from the dark liquid and meet their curious eyes. Isabel shifts finally and swims towards me gripping my hand in hers, “Levi, honestly… will you talk to someone?”

She doesn't get it… I don’t want to do that. Just thinking about it freaks me out. Being here, I don’t know why but I'm not as anxious as usual, probably because I know that I'm not alone here. I know that Isabel and Farlan are only a few steps away. When I'm at home it’s completely different. I can’t answer the door or pick up the phone, I can’t leave my house to check my mail and if there is even one person outside I refuse to let the goddamn cat out. I don’t even do my own grocery shopping for fuck sakes, Pixis goes out for me and has a key to my house to get in so that I don’t have to physically answer the door. I can’t just go see someone about this. 

But to get them off my back I reluctantly agree to their requests, “Yeah whatever.” 

“Ah! I'm so relieved! Thank you Levi!” Isabel releases my hand and plummets back into the water.

I'm not going to do it, I know that already, I can just tell them that I did and make up lies or something. I’ll tell them that the doctor thinks I had brief depression but I'm fine now and that there’s no reason for concern. It’s not like they know what it’s like to see a psychiatrist or anything, they’ll never guess I'm lying through my teeth. It’s fine if it puts them at ease, I'm comfortable living my life with Titan and their constant, pain in the ass, interruptions.

“Hey Levi we forgot towels, mind getting some for us?” Farlan grins up at me.

Ugh… everyone's still laughing, they are all over there… enjoying themselves… I don’t want to bother them. The towels are right there dead center in the middle of the group… I'm going to trip… I know I am. I can feel it. I gnaw at my lower lip and push myself up stretching as slowly as possible, desperately hoping to buy myself some extra seconds so the group can at least space out a tiny bit more just enough that I won't have to ask any of them to move. Of course to no avail, as I turn around, I see that they have only gathered and filled up any crucial gaps that were there only moments ago.

Armin is in the center of the crowd sitting on the same stump that I was on during my make over. Hange, Krista and Petra are directly in his personal space pinning his hair back and dabbing disinfectant on his wound. Not to mention they are only inches away from the cursed towels that I happen to need, of all places, they had to be there. Jean, Bertolt, Reiner, Connie and Sasha are not even an arm's length away from the girls, they're shouting boisterously over one another just off to the side. On the other end of the semi circle Eren, Mikasa, Annie and Ymir stand together as well not quite as loud as the previous group but their conversation can be heard from where I stand. The final crowd includes Erwin, Oluo, Eld and Gunther, they stare silently at the scene before them not sharing any words between the lot of them. 

At this point I honestly don’t know where I'm going to approach from… who I should slip between… they're pretty tight knit pack except for the small, and I mean minuscule, spaces between Eren and Erwin, or Gunther and Jean. I have already come to the conclusion that I don’t get overly worked up when I'm around Eren and Erwin is a good enough guy, he’s friendly if nothing else. None the less, I'm still completely off put by the amount of comfort that I feel when I'm around Eren. I'm not sure what I should do… plus he wandered off with Isabel the other night after he kissed me… 

I'm not gutsy enough to speak to Gunther or Jean if I have to ask them to move so I quickly beeline for the left side and clear my throat behind the ogres blocking me from my objective. Eren and Erwin both glance back at me wearing half smiles as I reach them. I swallow hard and thankfully Eren starts the conversation.

“What’s up Levi?”

“Isabel and Farlan forgot towels…” I murmur dryly and eye the pile directly behind Krista’s feet, “Wanna get two for me?”

Eren turns his head back to focus on the girls, he steps forward swiftly lunging down to grab two towels in one swoop and comes back up with a cocky grin on his lips. He holds them out to me and I snatch them without delay muttering a short thanks and heading back to where the two stand just outside of the water hugging each other for warmth. 

I throw the towels at their faces and wait impatiently for them to dress. Crossing my arms over my chest I train my attention on a spider's carcass being carried away by a group of ants. I don’t much want to sleep with Eren tonight. I'm getting a weird feeling in my gut now. This is how I should feel when I'm around Eren, I shouldn't be almost at ease when I'm within reach of him… 

Farlan’s hands clamp down on my shoulders and he steers me in the direction of the others once more only to be placed right next to Eren. I resist the strong urge to throw my head back and scream as we merge with the others and gawk as the girls medical session comes to a close. 

“Okay that’s enough of that, no more climbing for anyone,” Hange grins sloppily and wipes her hands on one of the various towels around her.

“Great, so… what should we do now?” Farlan intrudes on the conversation with a cheerful tone.

Eren’s first to chime in with an idea, “Why don’t we play truth or dare and have a few drinks? You brought that stuff right Erwin?”

Truth or dare? Seriously? That is… well that’s just going to be annoying. All of my answers are going to be wrong and I’ll do something stupid during a dare. I don’t want to play. Mixing alcohol into this is probably not good for me either. I don’t know what kind of drunk I am or anything like that. This is just an accident waiting to happen. I can feel my breathing pick up just slightly, no one around me can tell that I’m just a little overwhelmed right now and I’m glad for that but there’s no happy solution to this problem. I just need someone to say no. 

With my luck, did I really expect anything to go my way? No, of course not. However it was nice to entertain the thought even for a fleeting moment. Everyone agreed immediately overly excited for this chance to just cut back and relax. It’s about five o'clock maybe, it’s getting close to dinner so we decided to cook up some burgers over the fire and cracked the first twenty beers of a twenty four pack.

Erwin at some point must have thought to himself that there was just no possible way to get drunk off of one beer each (he obviously hadn't met me at this point) and made the heinous choice of getting two other twenty four cases and one bottle of absolute vodka; with a complimentary orange juice to drown out the powerful kick of alcohol. I don’t know the tricks of the trade however I’m positive that I will not be delving into anything other than the vile, bitter liquid that I have been dredging sipping on since it was handed to me. 

These people are like savages, they chug down their first can in the first cheers and crack open their second one as though that’s expected. Armin is the only one who doesn't bother downing his drink in one go and settles for a moderate gulp instead. I only make it seem like I take a bigger swig than I actually do just to fit in. 

“Alright let’s get this party started,” Jean begins with a ragged voice, he clearly doesn't enjoy the taste, the way his lips tug down at the corners gives him away, though it’s also apparent that he does not give one damn about that; he’s a trooper that’s all I can say. “Mikasa, truth or dare.”

Our eyes focus on the quiet girl cuddling with her girlfriend, she was leaning against her shoulder though upon request she sits up straight and leans forward with a wicked smirk, “Dare.”

He was anticipating this, the way that his eyes light up is almost disturbing, I don’t want to get chosen by him, “Perfect. Strip down and jump in the lake.”

As though it’s not that big of a deal, Mikasa throws off all of her clothes and takes three steps back to make a larger stretch between her and the lake. I avert my eyes to meet Eren’s by accident, he’s completely infatuated with me… it’s… well alarming. My heart jumps and like I was the one caught staring at him, not the other way around, I swiftly return my gaze to the striding, stark naked, Mikasa. She leaps off of the rock I was on earlier into a flip before plunging into the icy water. 

The group cheers for her, easily entertained by her bravado. Since everyone else is doing it I feel obligated to join in and I stop before everyone else does too… I just hope that they don’t think I’m being ignorant or anything like that. I just don't want to be that person who awkwardly claps just as everyone's finished. Thankfully Reiner happens to be that type of person. 

“Eren, truth or dare,” Mikasa demands as she begins her fluid walk back, Annie gets up with a towel to meet her halfway.

Eren doesn't reply right away, I’m not ready to face him again yet so I glare at the ground until he responds, only to see that he hasn't bothered to hide that he was gaping at me earlier. The way his lips cock up sloppily is enough to take one's breath away… but that heated, hooded look trained specifically on me… I can’t take it. I shift uncomfortably and bite my lip; I can’t bring myself to look away from those emerald eyes no matter how distressing the situation is. 

“I’ll take a dare as well,” he finally responds, there’s an edge to his captivating purr. 

Mikasa can sense it, she knows that there’s something going on here, I pray that she doesn't do anything to lug me into his stupid dare, “Hmm. I dare you… to… I dare you to give Isabel a hickey.”

Eren shoots up straight, his eyes wide with shock and jaw pops open audibly. He recovers miraculously despite being called out on his little escapade with Izzy last night and hops over the fire to attack her slender neck. My chest feels slimy and disgusting, chills roll through my back and I take a deep mouthful of the terrible beer warming in my palm. 

When he finishes he returns to his seat, Isabel runs her fingers over the vibrant, glistening red spot on her neck with a shy grin. Ugh she’s better than that… or maybe I wish that I was her… what am I thinking? Seriously? What’s wrong with me? This camping trip needs to end real fast so I can go back home to Titan. I don't like the way how things are starting to turn in my head, it's just not me. 

“Levi, truth or dare?” Eren’s sultry murmur cuts through my thoughts and I freeze.

“Truth,” I blurt out without really thinking about it and it earns a few laughs from around the fire.

He seems to be thrilled with my verdict, his lips stretching into an even wider smug, smile, “Is it true you’re gay?”

Everyone stills. This, I was not expecting but I have a response that I have contemplated in the past with my mirror, “That’s difficult to judge. It’s not a firm choice, really as long as it’s right it doesn't matter what gender that person is. So… to be quite honest, I could say that I’m interested in women today and find an better man tomorrow. It depends. Love isn't subjective, it just happens and whether it’s a male or female doesn't really stand in my way.”

I spoke too much. No one’s saying anything, ugh I said way more than I should have, what happened? It just poured out of my mouth, this is disgusting. How do I recover? They aren't looking away… no, no, no, I take it back. My chest rises and falls alarmingly fast as I attempt to reel everything back in and forget it never happened.

“Though I've never been in love, so, it’s not possible for me to know somethi-”

Isabel steps in, “That was really beautiful Levi. I like your view. I think that something like that is really refreshing.”

The others happen to agree with Isabel, I’m elated that the conversation is diverted but now I have to ask that foul question. My eyes flit from one person to the next and rest on Hange. I don’t know why but four eyes might be fun to dare to lick a tree or something. 

After Hange licks the tree, with great protest, the night really takes off. I even loosen up a bit and when I’m dared to do a little dance with Reiner, Eld, Gunther, Oluo and Erwin I don’t even hesitate. It might have something to do with the three beers I started downing along the line and the two shots I was given from Farlan and Petra's mouths, none the less it was thoroughly entertaining for everyone. 

The full moon and twinkling stars fill the night sky and the evening winds down to everyone clumsily stumbling to their beds just trying to hold one another up. I wasn't expecting this to happen. I think I have managed to build up a decent relationship with everyone tonight. Well except for Eren. I steered clear of him the entire game of truth or dare after he asked me that evil question and humiliating answer.

Even now I’m not anywhere near him. He’s helping Izzy to her bed with a fast asleep Farlan hoisted up on their uneven shoulders to their camper. I’m the only one left outside and I couldn't be more relieved that no one can see how horrible I am at walking in this state. My feet scatter, it’s like a baby calf learning to walk for the first time, I’m a mess and I know that I am.

My fingers claw at the slippery material to the tent until they clasp the metal zipper and I drag it down viciously. It’s pitch black, I can’t see a damn thing and I manage to trip over the entrance. I was pretty good up until now. The bottom of the tent comes up fast, I can’t help the laugh that escapes my lips as I roll onto my back. I can’t sense any discomfort or agony, it’s just a numb sensation on my hands and knees, I think I hit my jaw too, I just can’t find it in me to care. My legs curl up to my chest and I throw my hand back to the mini lamp in the corner.

It’s blinding and hurts my eyes. The tent is at least clean so that’s always nice. I push myself up on my elbows and fumble with my shirt, tossing it off to the side recklessly. The jeans I’m wearing are the biggest hassle, it’s impossible to drag off the clingy material, so why not throw my head back to the hard ground? Does it help the situation? No, though that doesn't bother me in the slightest when I victoriously throw the devilish material over my head somehow and climb onto air mattress. 

The world is spinning, this is too much. Why did I do this? A grin slips across my tingly mouth and I let out a low chuckle into the stillness until two green orbs float into my vision. Eren? I blink a few times to pull myself together. He’s watching me, looming over top of me, his legs between my thighs. How strange, he wasn't here a second ago. I can feel my heart tattooing itself into my chest and it hurts. 

“You’re avoiding me,” Eren whispers breathlessly. “You don’t want to be around me or something Levi?”

Right now? You’re going to ask me right now?! Seriously… what a brat.

“I dunno… I guess… that’s what it seems like…” I reply sheepishly trying to ignore his presence over top of me. 

“Why?” He grips my jaw forcefully and captures my attention. 

My teeth clamp down on my lip, “I’m not sure. I guess ‘cause you were with Isabel the other night or whatever and… I don’t know. You asked that question, I didn’t know what to do. I panicked, I've never been kissed before.”

Ugh, this is excruciating, what am I even talking about? Please don’t remember in the morning, I don’t even want to remember!

“You seen that?” He seems genuinely surprised, “Sorry… that’s not what I mean. I mean… look the thing with Isabel… we were… well we were dating before and-”

“What? Seriously? I didn't know that,” I spit out interrupting him. “Little brat, why didn't she tell me?”

Eren’s head drops to my chest and he groans, “Levi can you just give me a little credit here? I’m trying to tell you-”

“Your fault for talking to a drunk person and expecting an actual conversation kid.”

“Touché… don’t call me kid, I’m handling my liquor way better than you right now,” He counters and I have to give him that. I roll my eyes and wait for him to continue, “We were dating for like four months. If that. We haven’t been very close lately but then she invited me to this camping trip and I felt like we could at least be friends again. But then she wanted to talk and the conversation got serious last night… I didn't think that it would happen like that… we worked everything out and it’s clear that we’re just friends now… because I’m interested in someone else.”

My mouth clicks open, eyes like saucers staring into his, “It’s Farlan isn't it? You got dared to kiss him and fell in love… or Petra!”

Eren bursts out laughing and I instantly feel the shame heat my face, did I really just say that? “Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I think I’m suffering from the alcohol. If you could ignore... everything... that would be nice.”

“Levi,” Eren comforts me and slides his hand so that it’s caressing my cheek. “I’m sorry that I kissed you… without permission or anything like that… you’re just so damn cute. I want to now too…”

“You do?” My voice is small, definitely something no normal human could hear if they weren't directly in front of my face like Eren is currently. 

“Yeah.”

His icy lips press against mine and his hand winds in the back of my hair where the undercut ends. His other hand cups my hip and his thumb rubs a firm line into my bone. His tongue nudges my mouth open and collides with mine, it’s delicious, my breath escapes in a gasp and I can’t contain myself. Instinctively I kick my leg up to his waist and grind my lower half against his. My palm flattens against his bare lower back and my fingers dig into the tight flesh there. I get a fist full of his silky brown hair with my free hand and press my chest to his. The guttural moan that rumbles from his chest is oddly satisfying. 

“Levi,” He growls pulling back and burying his face in my neck pressing a hard kiss against my jugular. 

I pant and I push him back up to see his face. He’s ferocious. Like a predator in the zone. The contemplation behind his longing eyes is extremely overpowering and delectably alluring. I could easily be swept away by him. Who am I kidding? I am caught up in the tornado that is Eren Yeager. 

“I want to go on a date with you,” He finally sputters out, his irises brightening and pupils dilating with excitement and fascination. 

It doesn't register with me until it’s too late to back out, “Okay.”

What?

He plants his suddenly heated mouth against mine once more and bounces off of the bed to switch off the lamp before returning to snare me in his arms and hug me to his chest for the rest of the night. It’s not even ten seconds later that his light snores fill the stillness.

“Wait… no… Eren… no…” I whimper but it’s too late. 

All that I can hope for is a meteorite to fall out of the sky and target me directly as soon as I step out of this tent tomorrow morning or more realistically that Eren’s memory is dreadful after a few drinks and he forgets ever asking me out. But I’m not that lucky. I’m never that lucky. I won’t get my hopes up no matter what.

I allow the darkness consume my thoughts while I enjoy the heat that radiates off of Eren’s sculpted body. It wouldn't be so bad… to date someone like him… I just don’t know if I’m the person that he wants to date in return… he doesn't really know me…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it's been a while huh? Haha. For anyone that was actually interested I apologize for not updating sooner! I know how annoying it can be to wait for things but hopefully I'm more consistent this time? Maybe? Anyway I really hope you enjoy the new (slightly shorter) chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!  
> Thank you for making in through to the end of my first fanfiction. Basically I have had this idea on my mind and decided to test the waters. Let me know what you thought of it.


End file.
